Worked up the courage to have the talk...feeling lost and confused now

sluttysub · Apr 21, 2010

Thank you all so much! It's so nice to be able to have a place to come and talk these things through with others!

I'm heading to Barnes and Nobles tomorrow to get the book. I'm hoping if I give hy husband a little space this week and read the book, I'll be better able to get my point (desire) across in a way that he will be open too, that we may be able to make some progress this weekend. (taking baby steps of course!)

Hehe, now I'm excited again (and super nervous, lol)

BernieD · Apr 21, 2010

Glad to see you seem happier and more confident now.

Hope everything goes well for you.

sillylittlepet · Apr 21, 2010

Good luck! we're rooting for you!
<3

sluttysub · Apr 21, 2010

Thank you! Haha, I need it!

sluttysub · Apr 21, 2010

Ceilidh - I need to find a dress like that! Hehe, maybe I should take a trip to the sex store and find something so sexy he can't turn it down!

sillylittlepet · Apr 21, 2010

what?! I want a dress like that too!

sebastian · Apr 21, 2010

Slutty, if it helps, I tend to think of d/s as involved 4 separate but related elements: control, pain, bondage, and abuse/humiliation. Each person into d/s has a different degree of interest in each of these. So someone can love being controlled but dislike pain and abuse. Those who like bondage may not enjoy control. And this works as much for doms as it does for subs. My bondage mentor has little interest in abuse or control and only mild interest in pain. So as you work with your husband, remember that these 4 elements are distinct, and while he might dislike one (I'm guessing that abuse is gonna be something he has a lot of trouble with), he may well like pain and control. Control is probably the easiest one for him to accept, since it has the most obvious benefits for the dom (in terms of sex) and is the least socially objectionable. It may help him to know that domming you doesn't have to include causing you pain or tying you up.

Glad you're feeling more hopeful. The forum is really a sort of support group.

Ceilidh · Apr 21, 2010

lol. I'm glad everyone likes the idea of my dress

Perhaps I'll take photos of me in it soon to help with the visual

Gotta love visual aides

And by the way, I don't just have one dress like that. I have two

Same style, just slightly different in color, neckline, and sleves.

sluttysub · Apr 21, 2010

Seb, thank you, that does help quite a bit. I'm thinking of discussing the control factor first, and try to explain my desire for that dominance. I know he has it in him!

When we do discuss it would it be ok to explain that the control does not have to involve pain or roughness? Or should I let the pain subject alone all together? I definitely don't plan to delve any deeper than that during this conversation. To be quite honest, if he were to become dominating yet never increase the pain play further than we've gone, I would still be thrilled! It would be a compromise that would still manage to satisfy my needs. I'll take your advice though, and "overact" my pleasure to see if it gets me more.

And you're right, abuse is going to be the harder of the four for him to grasp. I'm not sure it will ever be something he is comfortable with, but that's ok.

P.S.
I bought The Loving Dominant today. Cant wait to read it!

sluttysub · Apr 21, 2010

Ceilidh - We would love to see those dresses. May give us some good ideas!

Worked up the courage to have the talk...feeling lost and confused now

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