The random chat/off topic thread

Death · Oct 14, 2010

Death said:
The second girl I thought was my true love also was unfaithful to me. I'm not a good judge of people, it seems.

A few people here contacted me while I was getting to know her, to show their interest in me, and I told them I wasn't interested. Those people can feel free to contact me, now. However, I am full of hate, now, and trust is not something I will show very easily.

My contact thread:
http://www.smplace.com/forum/1874-d...aster-slave-relationship-under-true-love.html

...Life fucking sucks, doesn't it? At least, that is pretty much the rule in life. If you agree with that then you might want to view my thread.

Ahahah.... as if that's going to work. How sad. Just give it up. You tried, you really tried; realize now that you're getting too old to have time left to find your girl - light the charcoal and put in that room, take a high dose of your newly prescribed Seroquel and get totally knocked out from it while the carbon monoxide spreads in your blood. In time, you will have a new life, on another, less cursed planet; you will find your true love and finally be happy. End of your hatred, end of your sorrow, start of what you always wanted.

Ceilidh · Oct 14, 2010

Yes. Death, life does suck. And right now it is being down right crule to me. I'd like to believe a normal person in my situation would be depressed and bawling their eyes out. I on the other hand am not. I'm avoiding it because I don't want to travel down that road. However right now, if I'm left alone long enough and I allow myself to feel. And think what I ought to I will start down that road....

Death · Oct 14, 2010

Yeah. Yay for apathy. My old friend just returned. The cure that even makes you able to laugh while you feel blank inside.

Ceilidh · Oct 14, 2010

apathy? is that what i have been doing lately?

i know i shouldnt be happy and laughing, but i have been. or i have been pulling my old tricks and hiding what i really feel.

Death · Oct 14, 2010

Hmm, I don't know about "happy", but apathy allows me to laugh again and "enjoy" things, even though I don't really feel anything. It's like it's fake, except it isn't.

Ceilidh · Oct 14, 2010

Maybe happy wasn't the right word. I've just been smiling.

Happy is a feeling. And feelings are something I'm not allowing myself to feel. It takes a lot to act like nothing is wrong. When really it just hurts and makes me question everything.

Death · Oct 14, 2010

I'm not apathetic, anymore.... panic attack feels like it may be on its way. I read e-mails from her. Not good.

Ceilidh · Oct 14, 2010

Oh Death, I'm so sorry.

Just try to calm down. Take deep breaths. Think of something else. A bunny that looks like a tiger?

Death · Oct 14, 2010

Actually it was old e-mails, not any new ones.

It feels less bad, now, but I feel really sick, otherwise. I'm sure I'll get ill, soon. I did get ill when I caringly worried about where she had disappeared for almost two months. Maybe that wasn't even true, though, wtf do I know.

Ceilidh · Oct 14, 2010

I'm sorry Death. I know those words aren't enough. God knows they have been said enough to me lately but that is all I have.

I too have felt sick all day, and I'm waiting for when my body finally caves and I am sick. I've lost my appetite also. Death, I know you are hurting and questioning anything and everything. I don't know what to say to make it better without sounding cliche. But would you honestly have rathered lived your life without her in it? What have you learned about yourself during the time you spent with her?

I do know that if you keep looking, you will find your other half. I found mine. I heard once that if you give up looking, you will find your other half. I tried it. I gave up. I got tired of men "using and abusing me" not loving me for who I was, they only wanted what I had. When I gave up and started to accept this is how my life is. Alone. I found him. He understood me. He even was able to do the impossible. He got me to talk while I was crying. I always shut down when I cry, my throat "closes" and I can't vocally say what is wrong.

The random chat/off topic thread

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