The random chat/off topic thread

[Death]

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I have learned nothing about myself. Nothing at all. I've gotten confirmed what a fool I am, though. And I would rather never have met her. I don't like feeling dead inside.

I feel suicidal, right now. I should go to bed and sleep on it. Maybe I have an interesting dream that seems to tell my future in a happy way. I have had prophetic dreams, before, so who knows.

God I feel like shit. Where did that apathy go? I guess it's unwise to read through old e-mails if I want to maintain that lovely apathy. Maybe it's back when I wake up...

 

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[Ceilidh]

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Don't we all think of ourselves as. Fools at one point or another in our lives? I was a fool for allowing my vanilla exboyfriends to use and abuse my love for them. Looking back I was unknowingly searching fo something. I was searching for that one who would treat me right when I gave them all I had, and sometimes more than what I had to give.

And yes Death, it was unwise to read old emails. But sometimes we put ourselves through more pain just so we can feel something different for a change. Yesterday I was looking at my friends photos. Just simple photos of their new joy. But I kept asking myself, why do they get have what I want, I mean I know they wanted it too, and why do they get to be happy and I have to suffer this slow death by my Female Parts? Why can't I be happy also?

Death, I do hope you get your apathy back and wake up refreshed. I guess for now, for us, apathy is a better place to be.

And I do have to thank you. If I haven't been talking to you - keeping my mind from thinking, I'd of been a mess. Probably like you. I do wish I could help you more. I really do.

 

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[Death]

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No interesting dreams, no apathy when I woke up and confirmation of what I thought she had done when I texted her just a few moments ago. I hate my life so endlessly. I see no point in going on. I don't even really enjoy anything, so it's hard to get my mind off of how terrible the situation is when I don't want to do anything.

 

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[Death]

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Nevermind, I'm not feeling suicidal, anymore. I'm not going to let such a person get to my psyche. And apathy is a good thing, but what is even better is to invite the dark parts of my personality. I was happy that this part disappeared, when I started loving her. Now I am happy that it is back. And even if I find my real true love in the future, I have no reason to push this part of me away. This is one of the parts that make me so superior. I will just smile and invite it whenever it comes as it is the most reasonable thing to do, anyway.

 

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[sebastian]

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Wow. It seems like everyone on this site is going through such shitty times right now, between you two and Cuffy. I wish I had something I could do that would fix things for people.

 

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[Ceilidh]

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I agree Seb. I think what Death and Cuffy are going through is horrible. I too wish I could help them. I guess in my head I am helping them by keeping my troubles silent, allowing them to get the advise and help that they can get. It could also be that (in my head) if I downplay my troubles then they really aren't that bad. But deep down I know it is something that I will always have to live with.

But then again it could just be who I am, I have always put others above myself.

 

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[Death]

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I'm doing better, now. Moving on.

I will find my real true love next time. It's been a learning experience.

 

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[sebastian]

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Ceilidh: You cannot take care of others if you are not taking care of yourself. If you are ill, you don't have the strength to take care of others who are ill, so the first rule of taking care of others is to make sure that you are taken care of. If you need emotional support, ask for it.

Death: I'm glad you're doing better. I was worried. My philosophy is that there isn't a single True Love out there for me. There are many guys that I could be happy with my whole life. So the thing to do as I see it is to find someone who might be The One and set about making the commitment that will enable them to be The One, and demanding the commitment from that that will enable them to be The One.

 

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[Ceilidh]

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Seb, I'm not going to argue with you. You are right (as always). I do need to take care of myself. Now the question is how to do that, but only I can figure that out; right? However asking for help - emotional support. Well that is easier said than done. Call me a martyr, I'm used to suffering.

Death, I too am glad to hear you are doing better.

 

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[Death]

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Death, I too am glad to hear you are doing better.

I'm afraid I take it back. While the rest I said is true, I am not doing better. I did when I said that but it's just not going to work to keep up that mood. It's not that I miss her, because I don't - she was a liar and was unfaithful and I couldn't give a shit about her. It's just that I am honestly very sick of this life I am leading. I am tired and I want out, one way or another.

 

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