The random chat/off topic thread

[sebastian]

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Ya my mom can be such a pain. I have a 7 year old daughter. I have caught her several times with the same bullshit tactics she used on me. I threatened her with not seeing my daughter anymore. She got mad when she did not want to drop playing with her friends and go to her house. She stormed to the door telling her "fine then I don't want you at my house." Normally I would have just let her go but I told her if she didn't knock it off she wouldn't be welcome in our home anymore. My little girl was crying that grandma was mad at her. Sometimes I think it would be easier if she just moved away.

Good for you for putting your foot down. My grandmother was very envious of my mom, because my mom had 4 kids and grandma only had 1 (although she had two miscarriages and a stillbirth). So she decided that I ought to love her more than my mom, and started bribing me with food, money, presents, and more food. She's the reason I sometimes struggle to control my eating and spending--it took my 20 years to realize that the voice in my head telling me to have whatever I want is my grandma's voice. So don't let your mother turn your daughter into a battleground like that. She's your child, not your mom's child, and if telling your mom to piss off is what it takes to keep her free from that sort of bullshit, then that's what you have to do.

 

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[Moonlight]

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Haha Moonlight I am sure he did not, would you? I love that your husband didn't even notice that is so much fun!

I cannot believe I am currently still awake and know I will pay for it tomorrow. Luckily. I do not think I actually have anything going on; just functioning as a "normal" human being as best I can. Though I am quite glad I found this little site, it can be lonely for the insanely shy. I am excited to get to know others and learn as much as I can. I find I become more comfortable as I explore my new side to myself the more knowledge I obtain.

I guess technically I am paying today because tomorrow is today.... eee yuck!!!

Ha I guess he didn't want to check himself and make sure it was really head lice. I have a suspicion it was a little boy who is always at my door wanting her to come outside to play. His mother is a meth head and he is not very well taken care of. He even talks about the foster homes he has been in. But I did get the lice taken care of quickly since I did catch it early.

Good for you for putting your foot down. My grandmother was very envious of my mom, because my mom had 4 kids and grandma only had 1 (although she had two miscarriages and a stillbirth). So she decided that I ought to love her more than my mom, and started bribing me with food, money, presents, and more food. She's the reason I sometimes struggle to control my eating and spending--it took my 20 years to realize that the voice in my head telling me to have whatever I want is my grandma's voice. So don't let your mother turn your daughter into a battleground like that. She's your child, not your mom's child, and if telling your mom to piss off is what it takes to keep her free from that sort of bullshit, then that's what you have to do.

I was always so timid of my mother. Not sure why really I just walked on eggshells around her scared to set her off. My husband told me to put her in her place what the hell is she going to do about it. The more I thought about it the more sense that made so I did. I could not believe how fast she backed down. I was in shock really. It is only frustrating that she comes back and does the same bullshit over again. Ok so I did not pick up my yell at me once and I will make sure to never do that again from her.


I see you are in Wisconsin. My family is originally from the Chicago area but many moved to Kenosha. They could have talked my husband into moving us up there if only it was not 39 degrees in the middle of May when we were in the 70's here in Missouri. He is from California so he hates the cold and snow.

 

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[sebastian]

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I was always so timid of my mother. Not sure why really I just walked on eggshells around her scared to set her off. /QUOTE]

It's pretty obvious to me why you were timid around your mother. She trained you to be timid so that she could get her way. Random emotional explosions are a good way to make a child intimidated. Abusers do it all the time with their spouses and kids. Again, good for you that you stood up to it. And like a lot of bullies, she backed down the moment she saw it wasn't working.

 

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[Moonlight]

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I never saw it that way before. I was never hit as a child so never saw her as an abuser, but yelling and acting like an idiot... yeah. One thing I love about my husband, he never yells ever. He rarely raises his voice and it is never in anger. I have seen him scare people and not once raise his voice.

 

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[thinmint7]

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Not all abuse has to come on the physical side of things. Not having a stable parent can have its effects as can physical abuse.

On a lighter note, you reminded me of a time when my dads friend brought his daughter spend the night when I was 5 ish. Haha! The father was high and did not tell us she had lice; it was everywhere by the time she left in the morning. It is funny to me now but in a messed up kind of way. Not the girls fault so I don't feel too bad laughing

 

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[Moonlight]

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One of my friend's husbands has encouraged her to put her foot down with her family as well here lately. Their reaction was much like my mom's and then both her mother and mine go on about how we are being controlled. huh really? Being told to go ahead and tell your mother like it is, I will back you up is controlling now. LOL OK.

 

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[sebastian]

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I never saw it that way before. I was never hit as a child so never saw her as an abuser, but yelling and acting like an idiot... yeah. One thing I love about my husband, he never yells ever. He rarely raises his voice and it is never in anger. I have seen him scare people and not once raise his voice.

Abusers don't have to get physical in order to abuse. Emotional abuse--insults, constant negative comments, threats to withhold love or support--can be every bit as injurious as beating. My roommate's mother seems to be a deeply vicious woman, who repeatedly told him that she should have had him aborted. As a result, he's a deeply broken man, emotionally fragile, lacking self-confidence, and desperate for affection. His parents never did him even basic things to generate self-confidence.

Your mother seems less extreme that than. Her strategy seems to be to keep you nervous and uncertain so that you're always worrying about what she wants and placating her to avoid a blow-up. Forcing your daughter to choose between her friends and her grandmother's love is emotional blackmail. These are classically abusive strategies, but perhaps they're not quite at the level of real abuse. But still, good for you for recognizing that she was doing something inappropriate and stepping in to stop it.

 

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[Moonlight]

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Thank you.
No my mother is no where near as bad as your roommates mother. My lands I can see why he would be broken. My mother in law suffers depression and is an alcoholic, The stories my husband and his sisters told are like your roommates mother. She had told all of them numerous times she hated them, they ruined her life and she wished she aborted them. When we were visiting once she blew up and was screaming at his sister about crap she did as a child as if it had just happened. His sister was crying about her mom hating her over something she did 20 years ago. God how can a mother treat her own children so horrible? I remember not long after we married stopping in the middle of a department store and looking him in the face and telling him I am not your mother, I am not going to have a screaming fit and ruin every holiday for you when he started to yet again go on about how much he hated Christmas. His mother would scream and slam things around all day mad that she had all sorts of work on Christmas or whatever other holiday came around that required a bit more work. His dad just tuned her out and let her scream. Now when we go back to visit it is almost laughable to see her ranting while his dad stars at the TV completely ignoring her. We shake our heads wondering how the hell we made it. We had everything stacked against us and yet here we are still married and happy.

 

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[sebastian]

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She sounds like a desperately unhappy woman. She drinks to avoid feeling her misery, and she blames everyone around her for the ugliness she finds inside her. She's tried to pass on that misery to her children, and she'll try to pass in on to her grandkids if you're not careful. So keep a very close watch on her and how she interacts with your kids. Keep standing up to her--this sort of thing can be very infectious if it's not confronted.

My ex-husband is a recovering alcoholic from a family of alcoholics. Some of the most emotionally broken people I've ever met, apart from my roommate. Pretty much every family get-together, one of his aunts would get drunk and either start arguments or break down crying. And these women had to drink around each other because they had so much ugly history together. All three of them had slept with each other's boyfriends and husbands at different times. I miss my ex, but I sure as hell don't miss most of his family.

 

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[Moonlight]

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Wow so family gatherings were quite interesting huh. My family is like that. I am glad my husband can't stand the cold winters in Chicago and Kenosha or else they would really harass me to move up there. My uncle already keeps saying just move up here and let us thicken his blood. No thanks, I do not want the drama, or the insane cost of living.

Yes you are right about her taking her ugliness out on her grandkids. We do not live close to her but my sister in law does. She has three kids and none of the kids want to be around her.
Thankfully his family lives in North Carolina and we are in Missouri. It is a two day drive and I wont fly out there. If I want to be molested I am not going to pay the TSA to do it. We don't see them often, but when we do go it is for just a few days and they are happy to see us and our kids. Back before the airline security went overboard we flew out and made the mistake of staying a week. By day three we were contemplating calling the airline to beg for earlier tickets. His mother wasn't even raging about us but his oldest sister. I asked my husband if anything happened and he said no mom is just drunk and ranting as usual. She was screaming and slamming things around after we had what I thought was a fun time going out to dinner and having a few drinks.

The last time we went out there his sister had her new house built so we stayed with her. Wow what a difference. It was fun. Even with my brother in law conning my daughter to run up and down a flight of stairs 100 times for a dollar. She was doing it too and when her legs got tired he made her do sit ups. My sister in law helped her cheat so it was only about 30 times she actually ran up and down the stairs but still it was hilarious. My daughter is a ball of pure energy and even after all that she was still running around full of energy and on top of it excited about the dollar she earned from her uncle.

 

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