sillylittlepet
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thats great news PS!
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Seeking advice on how to handle my fiancé's newfound desires.
- Thread starter P.S.Eudonym
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P.S.Eudonym
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Thanks. 
I'll try and build a friendship with him, but that will take time and I have a feeling my fiancé would prefer it if he was "her friend" as opposed to "our friend". Seeing as she kind of lacks guy friends outside our shared circle, and since I no longer have a problem with him, I have no qualms about that. (She has a lot of buddies, but those are mostly people she grew up with and they all sort of live in the past when they meet.)
I guess for the time being I'll just treat him like everyone else in our social circle. I like to keep in touch with people and make sure I see everyone relatively regularly anyway, so I have no worries that it will work out in the end.
I'll try and build a friendship with him, but that will take time and I have a feeling my fiancé would prefer it if he was "her friend" as opposed to "our friend". Seeing as she kind of lacks guy friends outside our shared circle, and since I no longer have a problem with him, I have no qualms about that. (She has a lot of buddies, but those are mostly people she grew up with and they all sort of live in the past when they meet.)
I guess for the time being I'll just treat him like everyone else in our social circle. I like to keep in touch with people and make sure I see everyone relatively regularly anyway, so I have no worries that it will work out in the end.
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WrathofThor
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I read through most of this and I have a few comments to make. I actually got a visceral reaction from your situation as I can relate completely.
1) You sound like a great guy, someone very understanding and like me too sensitive. I was in a vanilla relationship that ended because I started losing my mind with intense feelings of jealousy between my ex and best friend. I went through HELL blaming myself for it until I found out they were fucking not soon after. That came as a relief. We were young and nothing much was invested other than feelings, so it worked out that I forgave them both and we all stayed close friends (didn't work out between them either). Point is: if you rationalize your feelings you will only divide and torment yourself. You have a right to how you feel, always, it's how you deal with those feelings that matters. The inner voice is quiet but profound and it's ALWAYS right, so don't doubt yourself.
2) Being too sensitive is a bitch sometimes. The political correct climate of our society would make us feel like we have to act in a certain way to be a "nice guy". But the law of the jungle applies no matter what - any dark alleyway can tell you that. I've come to accept I have a streak that can be seen negatively as possessive or positively as protective. If another man put a finger on her without her consent I'd break it without a thought, and if he had her consent then it would be over between her and I permanently. Some women take it as an affront to their sexual freedom. Mine takes it as a sign of love and comfort, that she has someone who she can always feel safe with, because that's her first priority in a relationship. I always had trouble with this in the past and believed it was something wrong with me - but now I know there is someone out there who cherishes me for it.
3) This may sound heartless, but if your fiance doesn't share your priorities there is most likely someone out there that does. Being a dom isn't just a game you play in the bedroom or adherence to a bullshit set of rules when you have an existing relationship, because the outside power dynamics will always be there. To be the dominant partner is to stand tall and stick to your guns, not out of ego but out of what your heart feels is right, and to be able to let go to maintain the freedom to be who you are. No pussy is worth your happiness, EVER. If that sounds crass, consider this: are you truly in a good position to give someone support when you have an emotional investment in the outcome? Every relationship is inherently selfish and biased, but it's beautiful when unconditional love seeps through.
Here's the icing on the cake: your efforts to compromise and make amends with your fiance, as well as get to know and forgive this guy, are amazing and you should give yourself a lot of credit for it. You're a great guy and she's lucky to have you. All I'm trying to say is that to save your relationship, sometimes it helps not to need it so much and take the vice grip off your life for awhile. Be free, happy, and listen to some reggae for a week. If your love for each is strong everything will work out, because her heart will whisper in her ear that you're the right one for her.
Best wishes, sending some prayers your way.
1) You sound like a great guy, someone very understanding and like me too sensitive. I was in a vanilla relationship that ended because I started losing my mind with intense feelings of jealousy between my ex and best friend. I went through HELL blaming myself for it until I found out they were fucking not soon after. That came as a relief. We were young and nothing much was invested other than feelings, so it worked out that I forgave them both and we all stayed close friends (didn't work out between them either). Point is: if you rationalize your feelings you will only divide and torment yourself. You have a right to how you feel, always, it's how you deal with those feelings that matters. The inner voice is quiet but profound and it's ALWAYS right, so don't doubt yourself.
2) Being too sensitive is a bitch sometimes. The political correct climate of our society would make us feel like we have to act in a certain way to be a "nice guy". But the law of the jungle applies no matter what - any dark alleyway can tell you that. I've come to accept I have a streak that can be seen negatively as possessive or positively as protective. If another man put a finger on her without her consent I'd break it without a thought, and if he had her consent then it would be over between her and I permanently. Some women take it as an affront to their sexual freedom. Mine takes it as a sign of love and comfort, that she has someone who she can always feel safe with, because that's her first priority in a relationship. I always had trouble with this in the past and believed it was something wrong with me - but now I know there is someone out there who cherishes me for it.
3) This may sound heartless, but if your fiance doesn't share your priorities there is most likely someone out there that does. Being a dom isn't just a game you play in the bedroom or adherence to a bullshit set of rules when you have an existing relationship, because the outside power dynamics will always be there. To be the dominant partner is to stand tall and stick to your guns, not out of ego but out of what your heart feels is right, and to be able to let go to maintain the freedom to be who you are. No pussy is worth your happiness, EVER. If that sounds crass, consider this: are you truly in a good position to give someone support when you have an emotional investment in the outcome? Every relationship is inherently selfish and biased, but it's beautiful when unconditional love seeps through.
Here's the icing on the cake: your efforts to compromise and make amends with your fiance, as well as get to know and forgive this guy, are amazing and you should give yourself a lot of credit for it. You're a great guy and she's lucky to have you. All I'm trying to say is that to save your relationship, sometimes it helps not to need it so much and take the vice grip off your life for awhile. Be free, happy, and listen to some reggae for a week. If your love for each is strong everything will work out, because her heart will whisper in her ear that you're the right one for her.
Best wishes, sending some prayers your way.
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P.S.Eudonym
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WoT, thank you for your advice and your prayers. It gave me something to think about for sure. In case you did not notice, there is a follow-up threat to this one here. Things are looking up currently and we are making progress, but more input is always welcome.
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