safe words

[Prissy]

I would never be able to use a safeword as I can not usually speak during the torment. Either because of my voice's inability for constant. or that fact I am gagged a lot.

Since I know my wording is a bit off, lets just say I lack voice on a basis that is almost as often as I have a voice. It doesn't bother me, as I have that happen often.

 

[Nyx]

I think it's interesting that a lack of trust is mentioned as being a reason for NOT having a safe word. In fact, I see my safe word as evidence of my top's trust in me. He knows I won't use it unless I have an absolutely serious reason. If I use the safe word I have to explain why I used it, both to validate the reason I used it and so my top can understand what happened and adjust if necessary.

I find the safe word important when we test my limits. Recently he said that he was going to spank me with the new paddle until I used the safe word, just to see how much I thought I could take.

Also, because I had some near abusive/negative experiences when I was younger, I find the idea of a safe word a psychological comfort. i.e. I couldn't say 'no' last time, but if I need to say 'no' now, I can do it and be respected.
As mentioned, it also makes my top feel more comfortable. He doesn't worry about pushing me too far, because too far is up for discussion.

Then again, I'm not a 24/7 sub, so my limits are more negotiable than some. Nevertheless I feel like a safe word is important for that one time when something goes wrong.

 

[Prissy]

I am happy, I finally got a safe word, since I am now old enough for Master..., Problem is, I still cannot use it..., the few times I am not gagged during gameplay, I lack my voice.

Puppy, how did you get a safe toy? Did you ask your Master, pick one up and give it to your Master, or did your Master give it to you without anything being said?

 

[Obedient Little Puppy]

We discussed limits during the 6 months before we began playing together, and this came up because I read something on Wikipedia or something about a 'safe object' and thought it would be ideal. I have a bag containing my share of our kinky equipment, and in with all this stuff are two small plush animals, one my safetoy, and one his when we switch. Once I am restrained, he will put mine into my hand without saying anything about it.

 

[Prissy]

Cool..., I am jealous

 

[hollywould]

It surprises me that the folks here talk about trust, as if that's the only reason to have a safe word. Safe words are an important part of the "safe" part of 'safe, sane, consensual". It's one thing to say, "I trust my Master to know my limits." What happens if you have a medical emergency pop up?

I wouldn't think of doing BDSM without having a safe word. This comes from the fact that my wife is diabetic, and there are certain things we have to watch for. (In fact, one issue isn't pain but whenever she has a lack of pain.)

I do not use safe words. I think spoken English and body language should be enough, except of course when working in a professional capacity.

If there is a medical emergency it is likely you may not be able to talk.

 

[praefect]

Doing my social services as an ambulance driver I've seen my share of medical emergencies, and people were mostly still able to talk. But I never used safe words either, not because I have something against them or anything, but I've just never entered ->

"NO - PLEASE DON'T! STOP! NOOO! Wait, why are you stopping? I didn't actually mean it! Go on. Yeah, I'm fine. NO PLEASE DON'T. AHHH!" - territory, so plain language was always enough here, too.

 

[master jey]

I dont allow using safe word i see when i must stop

 

[theonlyone]

Im rather new to SM as well, and from all the tons and tons of reading I've done I've come to believe that sexuality and the sexual [and otherwise] relationship you have with your partner cannot be based solely on what other people do. Especially in BDSM. Subbing is so very personal and [should] be based on what you and your Goddess/Master/Daddy [etc.] are comfortable with. Basing a decision on something as core as wether or not to use a safe word should be discussed and decided by you and your Goddess. My Sir and i have a safe word, but haven't used it yet. Its "red". Plain and simple "red". If its used to describe something that doesn't count. The safe toy is a good idea. I just like the idea of having a plush toy around =) Talk to your Goddess. Im sure she'll be supportive. From what i can tell, all Doms want is for their subs to be happy too.

 

[lao]

The ''safe word'' should be abolished - BDSM isn't a bloody knitting club although thats the impression I get sometimes