Had a question, new to this

[Starbitshinda]

Hi, I've always had an interest in BDSM... and I've read a lot about it. Recently I was drinking with my girlfriend and she told me she likes being submissive. She's had relationships in the past where she was dominated and I figured that I'd give it a try. So later down the road she told me that the only way she would let me dominate her is if I could tell her 'why' she likes to be dominated. So I read up all of these reasons and none of them were the answer she was looking for. So she was like: 'it's the reason why people in a high position of power like being dominated.' Any help?

 

[Roland]

Sounds fairly simple. She is used to being in power and in control in her professional life, but in her private life, she craves the simplicity of being told what to do, and having that power stripped from her.

 

[Smallest]

For balance. But it seems really controlling/mind games of he to set that rule.

 

[sebastian]

Yeah, it's about the vacation from power.

It is a little controlling, but maybe she wants to make sure that he understands what's going on.

 

[stanley_jeffries]

You don't mention if your g/f is actually "in a position of power" in her normal life. It seems to be implied in the quote from her.

Without gving too much personal detail away, is there any more info you can provide?

Here are some links to articles on Psychology Today (I have no idea how well regarded this website is - from the volume of articles I would suspect there is little or no peer review).

You'll see there's disagreement even amongst the "experts". People are complicated, and I would urge your g/f not to try to put herself into a neat box.

I think the value of these articles is to reassure her that what she feels isn't "abnormal".


http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199511/inside-look-sm

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...00806/sadomasochism-in-everyday-relationships

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199909/the-pleasure-pain

 

[Starbitshinda]

Thanks for the responses. I've actually, told her these reasons before and she still seems to think that i don't "get it". Questioning to me, as to 'why' people in power in power do these things, has nothing to do with it now. She wants me to 'just know' why SHE wants to do it. ...and I've gone over the list of reasons and still none of them seem to be the answer she is looking for. It just seems like shes playing a game with me. I've been telling her that if she wants to do this I am ready and willing, and that I'm open to her explaining what she really means. I also told her that this is something that we need to communicate about and if she want me to fulfill whatever she is needing, we just need to talk about interests and feel our way. I think she may be trying to use this defiance as a barrier. She is also a very demanding, self-centered and arrogant girl.

 

[spider]

Abdication of responsibility and the stress that comes with it. Plus a little cathartic release of the guilt that comes from making mistakes when your the one everyone trusts not to make mistakes. (assuming the person with the responsibility is taking it seriously) Plus those in positions of power who take it seriously and arn't using it for self advancement usually have to make sure everyone else focuses on those in greatest need and with the biggest problems, and it's kinda nice to say "no, focus on me for a bit, even if it is in a weird slightly abusive way, but hell at least I know your attentions are genuine and fueled by passion and not some attempt to pander, lie and generally tell me what you think I want to hear."

 

[RopeRanger]

I was once told by a mentor that the easiest way to gain responsibility (power) is to take it. (lets be clear I'm not talking about rape here) However, *I'm* frustrated enough just reading this post that if I knew her, I'd put her over my knee for a spanking. When finished I'd stand up, dumping her on the floor.

 

[MrWolfgang]

*I'm* frustrated enough just reading this post that if I knew her, I'd put her over my knee for a spanking. When finished I'd stand up, dumping her on the floor.

I second this notion. Thatll do.

I definatly dont get whey shes holding back on you. Communication is key and she is witholding information that is probally vital. Maybe she's just putting you off, leading you on, or just hoping that eventually it goes away? Hate to say that. Might be a possibility though.

 

[spider]

The easiest way to gain power maybe to take it, but that's not the best form of it and rarely brings true dominion. The best form is power that's earnt. Because it's build from a more definitive and proven foundation it's harder to argue with and rebel against. (and when I say something like 'with great power comes great responsibility', somebody slap me . . no I mean it)