MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Welcome to the board. Your situation sounds very promising, and it's great that you recognise you're going to have to work on your girlfriend's "mood", even though she's asking you to be dominant.
Having kids around is a bit of a challenge when it comes to S&M play. You might think the obvious solution is to arrange an overnight with grandparents and just "go for it". But the kind of anticiptaiton pressure this kind of "big night" builds up can sometimes turn a woman off. After all, your girlfriend will already have the usual stresses of looking after two children - despite you helping out it's always the mum who bears most of the stress. Her idea of a treat might just be to take a long soak in a bubble bath!
One suggestion I would make is to point out that "domination" can be a purely psychological situation. Word play is extremely powerful.
OK...so imagine a regular evening. Once the kids are in bed, do you have some time together to just relax and talk? I don't mean watching TV...but some time when you just say stuff to each other? Ask about her day...tell her about your day...find out how she's feeling, etc. Keep it light, and don't escalate anything into an argument! Try to say something funny...make her laugh, and don't forget to tell her that you love her.
Don't rush it, but if you feel she's relaxing, drop something into the conversation. Example...
YOU: "This whole 50 shades of Grey thing seems to have released a lot of pent up fanatasies in the population."
HER: Maybe she grunts agreement.
At this point you can go two ways: Passive or Dominant. It's important that you do not seem to be initiating sex in either approach. Instead you need to focus on being sensual...lots of touching, but don't be groping her, and try to keep a certain amount of distance between you (obviously closer than arms length, but penetrate her personal space with your hand or arm, and not the rest of your body).
Passive approach:
Reach out and hold her hand gently. Stroke it for a few seconds.
"Why don't you tell me about your fantasies?"
I would use the passive approach if you feel you still need to get her to open up. But it sounds to me like the dominant approach is where you are at:
Dominant approach:
Reach up and place your hand on her cheek. Move her head so she's looking at you. Keep your hand on her cheek, but use your thumb to stroke her lips. Keep your distance, and maintain eye contact. Because you're stroking her lips it's unlikely she'll say anything at this point, so leave a "gaping silence" for a few seconds. Then say:
"You're going to confess your fantasies to me. All of them."
She may try to look away...even to move away. If she does, try to gauge her level of discomfort.
If she's just embarrassed, and not trying to physically move away from you, keep your hand on her cheek, and keep forcing her to look at you. A stronger way to control her with your hand is to hold her jaw with your hand. There's no need to be rough...just be gentle, but firm.
Say something like...
"You know you're going to do as I tell you...it's just a matter of time. You need to confess it to somebody...I want it to be me."
If she really wants to move away, then let her go, and maybe she gets up and walks away. Give her a few seconds, and then walk over to her. She'll probably be facing away from you, so kiss her on the back of the neck and whisper:
"If you were tied down you couldn't walk away from me, could you?"
Don't wait for her to answer...just walk away...go back to the chair and turn on the TV...or pick up a magazine or something that shows you are not going to pressure her anymore.
Maybe she comes back to the chair, or maybe not. But either way you've shown her that you can be dominant - if she consents.
OK...let's say she didn't walk away, or that she came back. You're back in the position of sitting slightly apart from her, and reaching into her personal space with your hand. It's your hand that is controlling her.
If she tries to touch you, tell her to stay where she is and keep her hands by her sides.
You can see why you don't want a TV as a distraction for this! The idea is to get her talking, without her feeling that you're initiating sex, except it's very likely that talking about her fantasies will turn her on.
If she does start to open up, you might want to prepare some general responses in your head to hold in reserve. Remember - in real life we don't have script writers to help us, so think about things you might do to keep the "domination" rolling.
For example...you have your hand on her cheek, and your thumb stroking her lips. So now slide your thumb into her mouth and "make her" suck it. If you feel it's appropriate to the mood, maybe point out how good she is at sucking cock...and (again, depending on your situation and her mood) perhaps tell her she must have got so much practice at doing it. That can go in the direction of her being a "slut and a cocksucker, and loving being both".
If it does turn her on, that's great. Go with it, but don't use any bondage or CP. You need to keep dominating her with words, and perhaps by holding her down as you make love.
Remember that she recently had two kids. She almost certainly wants to feel that you still love her, and more importantly that you still find her sexy. Once she has started to open up, tell her how much the idea of her being your slave turns you on. Tell her that no other woman could give you that kind of feeling of power.
Be prepared not to have sex that night...but I suspect that giving her the chance to talk about her fantasies will lead to something.
As Smallest and Sebastian have both indicated - 50 Shades is not a good example of a sub/Dom relationship. However...it's great that it's ignited this communication between you, but just don't use it for ideas!
I assume you already run the risk of the kids walking in on a "normal" love making interlude - that's just the way it is with young kids around. But by focusing on verbal domination and gentle "holding down" at least they won't witness anything obvioously kinky if they do happen to walk in. I suspect that would be a big factor in your girlfriend's seeming reluctance, by the way.
I hope things go well.
Cheers,
Stanley
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