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In my head, there are two ways to approach bondages. Some bondage fans (tops and bottoms) focus on the act of bondage itself; for them, tying someone up or being tied up IS the sexual act. For others, like myself, bondage is more of a means to an end; for us, tying someone up or being tied up is preparation for what is to come, which is sexual acts like torture, edging, fucking, and so on. So part of the problem here is that your wife may fall into the first camp--she finds being tied up very sexual, while you fall into the second camp--you feel like you want to DO something to her when she's tied up. So you may not be well-matched in terms of your bondage interests. That doesn't mean things won't work--as long as she is willing to tolerate being used when she's tied up, and as long as you are willing to not push her too far when using her, you can find a happy medium.
Some subs like struggling against the bondage. They may enjoy the challenge of trying to get loose, or they may enjoy the frustration of not being able to get loose. Once tied, they struggle against the ropes. Other subs get off on the feeling of immobilization. Once tied, they tend to become very still. Knowing which type your wife is can give you ideas of further play. If she's a struggler, you can give her challenges to get out, with rewards if she gets out fast enough and penalties if she doesn't. Or you can do things like spank her until she gets out, to give her struggles more purpose. If she's into immobilization you can explore ways to make her more immobile, for example getting a straight-jacket or a sleep sack.
But you want things to do to her once she's tied up--you want to use her, and just vanilla fucking isn't satisfying. I am the same way. One thing to consider is that just because your wife doesn't enjoy something doesn't mean that you as the dom cannot do those things. As long as she is willing to accept them, you can do them. Part of being dominant is getting to do things that aren't necessarily what the sub wants. Your wife has limits, and has the right to safe word if what you're doing is making her unhappy, but until she safe words, you can do things like call her names. Since you two are not natural fits for BDSM, you both need to look at play as compromise. You're going through the trouble of tying her up, which is giving her what she wants but isn't really hitting your buttons, so she needs to accept some discomfort to give you what you want. So talk to her and let her know that you need some room to do things like verbal abuse and pain play, but that you'll stop if she safe words.
So let's talk pain play. Subarama is right on this--start very mildly and build slowly. The nerves that carry pleasure also carry pain. They can't send both signals at once. So if you get the nerves firing off pleasure signals, you can switch over to pain and the body will read it as pleasure, up to a certain point, after which the body recognizes that it's in pain. And not everyone has the same capacity for this (so what works on a hardcore pain slut may never work on your wife). But if she enjoys a little erotic pain, she probably has room to grow. For example, start on her nipples by licking, kissing and sucking them. Once she's enjoying that, start using some force, biting them, pinching them, twisting them. Go easy at first and gradually get rougher. Watch her closely to gauge her reactions--if she's enjoying it, she'll probably grimace a little, writhe or pull away slightly, suck in her breath, make soft moans or mild grunts or other sensuous, happy noises. If she's not enjoying it, she'll wince, really try to pull away, say 'ow!' or make other non-sensuous, unhappy noises. If she's enjoy it and then suddenly seems to not enjoy it, switch back to pleasurable play for a while. Or give her the safe word 'yellow'--'I'm approaching a limit, but I can keep going for a little bit'. When she says yellow, immediately go back to pleasure.
Explore sensation play, which alternates pain, pleasure, and other sensations. So lick her nipple, then pinch it, then lick it, then use an ice cube on it, then rub it with something soft and furry, then pinch it, and so on. Or give her pain and pleasure simultaneously--finger her pussy while you're biting her nipples. Then suck her nips while you're running your fingernails over her thighs. The idea here is to mix different sensations in unpredictable ways, so she can't get used to just one thing. And by mixing pain and pleasure, you're getting her nerves to shoot off pleasure signals for pain.
Consider sensory deprivation. Blindfolding her means she can't see what you're going to do next--she doesn't know if you're going to use a dildo or a paddle on her. Some doms take it further and use headphones to play music so she can't even listen for clues. You might tie her, blindfold her, put in headphones, and then just leave her for a few minutes (if she's an immobilization sub, she may really like that). Then start fondling her and go from there.
Mild pain is relative; it varies from sub to sub. Some subs can handle enormous punishment on their tits, while others can barely tolerate mild pinches. And pain levels vary across the body. My nips can handle a good deal of pain, but my balls are so sensitive, even sucking them wrong can make me nauseous. Different kinds of pain have different thresholds. Some subs like dull, 'thudding' pain from leather floggers and wide paddles, while others like sharp 'stinging' pain, from rubber floggers and narrow canes. I've known guys who loved having their balls pulled on or squeezed, but hated having them slapped. So rather than trying to define an arbitrary 'mild vs hard' scale with your wife, just explore and find out what she likes and what she doesn't. Have her use the yellow safe word when whatever your doing start to approach uncomfortableness. Then once you've gauged how rough you can get with a particular type of pain, see if you can gradually increase what she can handle--many subs gradually raise their threshold over time as they get used to something and develop a tolerance for it.
Subarama is also right that your wife is expecting you to be a mind-reader. That's unfair to you, because you're not telepathic. This is something many subs do; they just expect the dom to magically know what they want and what they don't want. But that doesn't work; it's a recipe for bruised feelings all around. So make her tell you what's in her head. Maybe she's embarrassed to admit her kinks, or maybe she doesn't quite know them and is having trouble articulating them. But she needs to find ways to tell you.
In fact, you can build bondage games around that. You could do an interrogation scene--tie her up and then start fondling her. "You like this, don't you, you dirty slut?" In this game, if she actually wants you to stop, she uses her safe word. If she says no, you get to keep going. Call her a liar, make her say yes. Then when she says yes, tell her she's a kinky bitch for liking that. In other words, use her turn ons as reasons to humiliate her. Or you can tie her up and just start exploring what you want to do, and make her tell you if she's enjoying it or not. She may genuinely not know that she has a particular button. I still vividly remember the first time my ex-husband sucked my ear. I'd never had anyone do that before, I'd never fantasized about it, but the moment he did it, I want wild for it.
The point here is that you need to find ways to get your wife to open up and communicate. Have her write out a fantasy that turns her on and then play it out with her. Or talk about it over dinner, in a non-sexual setting. Or just cuddle and fondle her and have her tell you what's running through her mind. But she's got to start talking.
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