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When I finally figured out I was missing BDSM in my relationships, I began to actively find out more. I came to sites like this, and a few others. Eventually met like-minded people and got a feel for how I thought a BDSM relationship should be. After I figured all of that out, I started looking for someone that I could build a relationship with. I was fortunate to find an experienced Dom who was patient, yet still pushes my limits. For me, this is a good thing. I live it 24/7 although we do not cohabitate. Logistics dictate a physical space between us during the week.
Anyway - I found what I thought I wanted. I reasearched what I thought I wanted. I talked and talked and wrote and questioned and wondered about what I thought I wanted. What I found is a relationship.
It started out as a temporary thing ... He would consider me for a collar and I would consider him as a Dom. That went well. After about 6 months, we reneogotiated - we decided a training collar was appropriate. He offered one, I accepted the same.
During the entire process we talked, he prodded and probed, I questioned and together we defined roles as we thought they should be for us. He permanently collared me, again after discussion and definition of roles. He offered, I accepted. I need to say we discussed these roles. As his submissive was I never to question him? Only question him in private? Question him when I was unsure? Together we decided the best sort of thing for us (as I am very curious and questioning person). Then he asked me about what I expected from him. I NEVER had that discussion with a vanilla partner. But yes, I told him of those thoughts I had regarding what a Dom should be in my life. It is really sort of cool. Do I have questions, HELL YES! I have posted 2 things in this forum alone trying to ascertain what is good for me, for him and for us. He pushes my limits, which is good. Others make me question things, which isn't good - but I still discuss them.
We are not a strict BDSM couple. We are not Gor nor am I his slave. I am his submissive. We do have roles and responsibilities. In a way it is almost easier than a "vanilla" relationship, asroles andresponsibilities are rarely discussed as thourougly as they are in a BDSM relationship. And I would think it would transcend any sort of relationship... straight, gay, non-bdsm, bdsm. Just communicate as honestly as each can at that point. And if you find out at a later date there is additional information - well then provide it at that time.
I hope this helps a little. Perhaps not, as I am in a state of flux ( as I have been for 40 years). Communication is the key ... more so in the lifestyle I think ... Good luck and happy days to you.
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