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I hate my father. He's pretty much never showed any sort of respect for me, thinks my head is littered with stupidity and has never even tried to understand some things with me that shouldn't be so damn hard to understand... he just doesn't seem to want to. The worst with him is that he isn't always an asshole... sometimes he can be very kind, but I think it may just be because he feels guilty. It'd be easier if he was just an all-around horrible person so I could just always feel I hate him. I can't remember that he's ever said he loves me, and I have never told it to him, either... I remember once, when he had been having a go at me, right before Christmas Eve... my sister came to me, afterwards, and tried to make things better between us, again... "Can't you just tell him you love him? I don't want you to fight." "No, I can't." "Why not...?", asking me since she knew I didn't hate him then, at least. "...I just can't." ...Father or not, I could never lie about such a thing... because I have never loved him. He's been very kind, at times, but overall, he has treated me like I am nothing. The day he dies, I can't see that I'd be able to cry... and I kind of am more concerned that he'll become a ghost and start stalking me after death.
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