new to BDSM

[JettOnly]

I would say you did get pretty fast replys, many bdsm forums are fairly quiet, this one is really good but people can't be on 24/7 so you might have to wait a day or so for answers

From personal experience I would say do not go with a new domme

A good experienced domme will talk to you before the scene and try and Taylor it to a level you think you can deal with
They should be able to skillfully asses when you can be pushed more and when you need them to back off
They should understand the issues with subspace, aftercare and subdrop and help you through each stage

With a novice domme there is the danger she will want to try out all the toys in her toybox and won't notice you have gone to a place where you cannot stop her when its more than you can cope with

Or listening to your desires to start softly they might go so gently you get nothing out of it

I am sure there are some who get it right early on but its a big gamble, talk to a few subs and get some recomendations of a good domme who can give you a good first time

 

[Foreverbunny91]

Yes, yes, yes!!! What Jett said!!

There's tons of physical safety concerns any dom (and subs too) should be aware of, but there are also EMOTIONAL safety concerns that you need to be aware of. I suggest reading the FAQ (first post in this section), and research before you play. I've had a few knowledgeable members on here help me prevent some pretty bad situations, and they've also made me aware of the other things I need to be aware of.

And keep in mind, you can have your dom be your girlfriend, someone you meet or get reccomendations for (please take precautions) or in some places you can even hire a professional

 

[sebastian]

i think one reason you didn't get more responses is that you were being sort of vague. It's hard to offer suggestions when you don't give us much to go on.

If you enjoy cock-rings, definitely explore cbt, genital bondage, and things like that. There are lots of toys that are variations on cock rings that will produce a sense of snugness or weight on your cock and balls. You can do some genital bondage with a short length of cotton or nylon rope or shoelaces.

Do a little bit of reading on cbt safety. Don't wear a cock-ring (or anything else on your junk) for more than 30-45 minutes, and take it off if you notice your balls getting cooler (that means the reduced blood flow is becoming significant). Don't tie shoelaces so tightly that you will have trouble getting them off (and if your balls sweat a lot, you should probably avoid using cotton shoelaces at all). Being safe isn't very difficult, and you really don't want to have a serious mishap with your junk.

 

[Tingettley]

Thanks guys, like i said im really new, so ill do my research and see what i think i can handle. i mean. I have no clue what i like so of course i was vague. i only started actually looking into this about a week (if that) ago.

 

[sebastian]

Then your best course of action is to read some porn and watch some porn and pay attention to what turns you on and what you might picture yourself doing/wearing/saying. It's ok to find some BDSM play too extreme for you; a lot of BDSM is quite specialized and appeals to only a small segment of the population. What matters is exploring what appeals to you. And there's no rush. You have your whole lifetime to discover your kinks.

 

[Tingettley]

well i just found out that i have an ex (who still likes me) who likes bein choked... so if i ever get to see her again (i moved 1k mi away from her location ) we might just play that card together AAAAND... she has an unused CR that she tried to use with her most recent ex bf...

And thanks Seb, this really means alot guys. I actually found people who arnt judgmental when it comes to sexual fantasys, or even non sexual fantasys about bein dominated... its a strange concept You guys rock

 

[Foreverbunny91]

You mught wasnt to read up on safety before you strangle someone... Just saying.

And I was happy to find non judgmental folks too! It's terrible when no one understand you. My best friend tries to be nonjudgmental but ultimately even she falls short. Even though I can only seek support like this online, it's really a relief!

 

[Tingettley]

Yeah. I don't think id be ready to choke her to get her off either xD, id prolly just stick to using my hands and mouth like I know I'm good at (really don't have endurance yet, so I like to give my partner as much pleasure as I can before its my turn)


But thanks again, ill look into some basics of BDSM porn, and who knows.... maybe ill even find a mistress here in orlando

 

[Foreverbunny91]

In a big city, I'm sure there's tons

 

[sebastian]

Bunny's right; be extremely careful about choking and breath control. I think I've got a section in the FAQ about why it's dangerous--it's not the reason you think.