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Ok, sounds like you have a variety of things going on here. As I see it, the two of you have the following issues:
1) He wants to explore pain play, but doesn't think you enjoy pain play, and thinks he needs someone who is as into pain as he wants to be.
2) He's reluctant to discuss the full range of his kinks with you, probably because he thinks you don't share them, and he doesn't think you can learn to enjoy his kinks.
3) He wants some form of open relationship, while you want a closed one.
So here are what I think about those three issues:
1) Do you like the idea of erotic pain--spanking, having your nipples tortured, being flogged, or whatever? If you do, you can ask him to help you train your limits for pain play. It would probably take a while, but he's patient, it can probably be done. If you don't like pain play, are you willing to endure pain so he can meet his needs? If pain doesn't arouse you, this won't be easy, but it can probably be done, especially if you like pleasing him. But be honest--if you really don't like erotic pain, agreeing to receive it will probably wear you down. And make sure you understand the difference between erotic pain and normal pain--the former is wonderful if you like it, the latter is never enjoyable. So discuss this with him.
2) Have some honest discussions about your kinks. Agree that for the conversation, both of you may describe whatever desires or fantasies you have without the other saying anything negative. Don't judge what he likes, just find out what the range of desires is. Then discuss which of those desires and fantasies the two of you want to explore together, and which you would be willing to try once to see what they're like. If something seems really extreme, don't tell him that his desire is wrong; just say that you don't think you could do that with him, or that you can't do it now.
3) You need to discuss this. If you are absolutely certain that you could not share him with someone else, you need to say so. But remember that there are levels of openness in a relationship. Would you be ok with a situation in which someone watches the two of you playing, but doesn't join in? If you can't accept pain play, would you be ok with him torturing a sub if there was no no overt sex happening? What about if there was no genital contact (in other words, he could jack off while torturing another sub)? Would you be ok with him having one regular play partner (a mistress on the side)? Would you be ok with a situation in which he gets an occasional fling and you do as well? Couples make all sorts of arrangements--I've known couples who only play outside the relationship when one person is out of town, and couple who agree to bring in an occasional third, or who play at a bathhouse so strangers can watch but not join in. You have a right to insist on full monogamy if that is the only sort of relationship you feel ok with. But he also has a right to insist on some sort of open relationship, especially if he has a need that you can't satisfy (like pain play).
On all of these issues, you need to communicate. Talking out conflicts and desires is extremely important in all relationships, but particularly so in BDSM ones. You have three options on each of these issues: A) Insist on what you want with no compromise. B) Give in to what he wants even if you don't like it. C) Compromise to find an acceptable middle ground (some pain, an occasional three way, whatever). If you find some issue where both of you are taking position A and position C is impossible, then ending the relationship is probably the wisest course to take. You've only been in the relationship for 5 months, so neither of you has a ton invested yet.
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