sebastian
Active Member
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Sally, I'm sorry that it looks like your dom has run away, for whatever reason. That sucks.
But you need to change the way you're looking at the relationship. Currently, you're down on yourself because you tried an online relationship and it didn't turn into something long-term, and you're telling yourself that means you're stupid. It doesn't mean that at all, at least not from what you've told us. Here's what I see when I look at your relationship:
1) You're pursuing what you want. You've realized you're submissive, and you are looking for a way to satisfy that, and you're hoping you can find a permanent relationship that will give you what you're seeking. That's not stupid; it's beautiful. It's what everyone on this forum is doing.
2) I see a novice sub who had the courage to find a dom to help satisfy her desires. You committed to being his sub, even if it was only online, and you were serious about it and wanted it to work. That puts you out in front of the great majority of submissives. In my experience, 90% of the subs online want the fantasy but are afraid of taking it beyond talking. I cannot tell you how many guys I've met online who swore up and down that they wanted to be a slave, but who gave me bullshit reasons for not giving me a phone number so we could talk. Or they say they want to try online slavery, but can't follow even a simple protocol like "you will contact me online every day". Or they say they want to make it real, but they're too scared to even meet for coffee in a safe public environment. But not you. You're real, and you have the guts to seek out a real dom who will really control you.
3) You're honest. You opened up and told him intimate things about yourself. That means that you were committing to the relationship, and it means you were doing what a sub is supposed to do, which is be open and vulnerable. I've met a fair number of subs who couldn't do that, which means they were failing in the basic work of being a sub. The fact that what you told him might have scared him away doesn't mean you shouldn't have told him; it means that he wasn't emotionally ready for the responsibilities of being a dom. This is his failure, not yours.
4) You're trying to put him first, which is what a sub is expected to do. And he's evidently either taking you so much for granted that he thinks he can ignore you, or simply decided to drop you without the courtesy of telling you that, which means he's a coward and an asshole.
Instead of looking at this as a failed relationship, think about the ways it's a successful relationship. You lasted two months (many gay men can't get to a second date). You went in totally inexperienced and came out having learned something about what you like, what you're capable of, and what you need in a dom. No it didn't turn into a long-term relationship and it ended in an unpleasant way, but duration is not the only measure of a successful relationship.
But you need to change the way you're looking at the relationship. Currently, you're down on yourself because you tried an online relationship and it didn't turn into something long-term, and you're telling yourself that means you're stupid. It doesn't mean that at all, at least not from what you've told us. Here's what I see when I look at your relationship:
1) You're pursuing what you want. You've realized you're submissive, and you are looking for a way to satisfy that, and you're hoping you can find a permanent relationship that will give you what you're seeking. That's not stupid; it's beautiful. It's what everyone on this forum is doing.
2) I see a novice sub who had the courage to find a dom to help satisfy her desires. You committed to being his sub, even if it was only online, and you were serious about it and wanted it to work. That puts you out in front of the great majority of submissives. In my experience, 90% of the subs online want the fantasy but are afraid of taking it beyond talking. I cannot tell you how many guys I've met online who swore up and down that they wanted to be a slave, but who gave me bullshit reasons for not giving me a phone number so we could talk. Or they say they want to try online slavery, but can't follow even a simple protocol like "you will contact me online every day". Or they say they want to make it real, but they're too scared to even meet for coffee in a safe public environment. But not you. You're real, and you have the guts to seek out a real dom who will really control you.
3) You're honest. You opened up and told him intimate things about yourself. That means that you were committing to the relationship, and it means you were doing what a sub is supposed to do, which is be open and vulnerable. I've met a fair number of subs who couldn't do that, which means they were failing in the basic work of being a sub. The fact that what you told him might have scared him away doesn't mean you shouldn't have told him; it means that he wasn't emotionally ready for the responsibilities of being a dom. This is his failure, not yours.
4) You're trying to put him first, which is what a sub is expected to do. And he's evidently either taking you so much for granted that he thinks he can ignore you, or simply decided to drop you without the courtesy of telling you that, which means he's a coward and an asshole.
Instead of looking at this as a failed relationship, think about the ways it's a successful relationship. You lasted two months (many gay men can't get to a second date). You went in totally inexperienced and came out having learned something about what you like, what you're capable of, and what you need in a dom. No it didn't turn into a long-term relationship and it ended in an unpleasant way, but duration is not the only measure of a successful relationship.
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