Emotional Attachment?

[Knots]

So none of you doms are ever able to play with a sub without falling for them? That doesn't seem truthful to me.

That's not what's been said...

 

[sebastian]

Lovely, I have played with many guys who I didn't fall in love with. But there is a level of bonding that happens most of the time. I've played with a few guys that I knew I wouldn't play with again because there wasn't enough spark, but even then, I often felt kind of sad and compassionate for them, because I knew they wanted more of me.

 

[gone xo]

I'm afraid I don't have any advice for preventing atachment but I was hoping to ask a question that fell roughly into the same category. If you really love your sub and it's mutual. Is it bad to show it too often or reveal how much you really need this person in your life, sometimes I really think I shouldn't since It may be seen as a sign of submision and as a dom I figure a strong stance is expected of me.

 

[Tallest]

To Gone_xo, It's not a bad thing at all to have attachment and love for your sub. You can be strong without being cold. Dom them, but tell them in the aftercare how much you care for them (You are aftercaring your sub, yes?). Small knows she's mine, but also that I love her, and she doesn't see me as being less of a dom for it.

 

[sebastian]

I would agree with Tallest here. A dom can be stern and loving ("this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you"), or can drop the harshness during aftercare

 

[edjixxx]

Interesting, what is 'afterward exactly? I've just always assumed it was when the 'scene', for lack of a better word, was over, and you talk about what happened, likes, dislikes, feelings, thanks, etc... saying that dropping the harshness during aftercare causes me to rethink what I've thought and ask 'if it's not what I thought, what is it, exactly? '

 

[sebastian]

I have a post in the Newcomer's FAQ about Aftercare. Take a look at it.

 

[gone xo]

Mhm that post was pretty helpful. I would imagine aftercare would come natural to most, especially if you care for your sub. I guess it was a little silly to think being to nice was a bad thing.

 

[Knots]

Mhm that post was pretty helpful. I would imagine aftercare would come natural to most, especially if you care for your sub. I guess it was a little silly to think being to nice was a bad thing.

Some dominants "resist" the urge to aftercare due to fear of being "too nice". So it's better you asked than not asked.

 

[sebastian]

Yeah. It's not intuitive. BDSM is paradoxical, so it can get confusing.