dom boyfriend won't talk about bdsm

[TerribleT]

It's a pain in the ass getting involved with an up tight lover.
I would try to explain that one of the percs of being an adult is that you get to have fun sex....if you haven't tried alredy.
Also, try to explain that kinky sex isn't immoral or sick. Its the 21st century for dang sakes! Its Just good clean fun. Adult play.

 

[kajmir]

The only thing I can really add with any intelligence is if the relationship is so great, why can't he talk to you? Listen..

It's not like you flipped out, you're accepting, willing to discuss. Seems to me he should be willing to have a convo, nervous or not. If he is truely that flipped out, FAQ would help, a shitload.

Seems a small thing to read for the one you love...

 

[apex1o1]

is this BDSM, it sounds like something else
you should worry about your safety,
as it sounds like something he doesn't have control over.
i would say to get away from this situation.
or at least tell him to go to a group session with a professional with you
and if he doesn't tell him your leaving and its over.
no further questions

 

[lovebitten]

thank you to everyone who has replied and given advice! especially to sebastian!

i have talked to my boyfriend he now understands that we need safe words and limitations, and so we will be using them. i told him there will be no other way.

apparently, he feared/s that he has no control, but (i must be crazy) i love him and trust him.

 

[sebastian]

I'm glad you were able to get him to talk about it. Many doms worry about losing control, harming their sub, or not being able to control their 'beast' if they let it out to play. The best way to prevent that from happening is with a lot of communication. Help him learn that talking about what he wants is the best way for him to manage his desires in a safe way.

Stick around and tell us how things are going.

 

[lovebitten]

that's what i told him, that we were going to need plenty of communication. he is proving to be a typical guy of his age (24) in the way that he doesn't communicate certain things well. of course i will continue to do my best on my end.

do you mean like updates through this thread?

 

[sebastian]

do you mean like updates through this thread?

Yes, or in another thread, or in your thoughts about other people's posts. Lets of people stop by just to comment on their one issue and then disappear. This forum works better when everyone comments about everyone else's questions and shares their own experiences and thoughts. So don't be a stranger. Just because you're new to bdsm doesn't mean you don't have thoughts and ideas that others can learn from.

 

[lovebitten]

And I did just that. I forgot about the thread and the site itself. I even thought the situation solved I guess. And in a way it was. Then. I don't truly remember what I was thinking then.

Then the beast came out to play again or maybe I was just talking to a really really good friend, my memory is bad, and I figured out that my then boyfriend's, when all this began, now fiancee, beast was more of a second personality. And this personality hates me. Since then me and my fiancee came to an agreement. I look out for the other guy and stop everything before it starts. Mostly I just let my fiancee initiate sex and nothing goes wrong. Not in the slightest.

But with an email notification of a reply to this thread, that I can't seem to find, I had a feeling that I really should stay active on the site.

 

[Smallest]

It's always good to hear an update, lovebitten, and I'm glad you're happy enough with your situation to be engaged now.

I moved the new posts into their own thread since this one was old and usually previous members don't come back.
http://www.smplace.com/forum/569396-shy-and-cant-talk-about-bdsm.html

 

[lovebitten]

Thanks! And I really am

Never come back like me, huh? Yeah, I found it after I posted that :giggle: