Devotion Issues

[praefect]

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I had a nice chat last night with my lady friend. She was in the sub headspace, totally, and while I enjoyed it and got a chance to stroke my evil streak, when talking about limits the phrase "whatever you wish" makes me very uneasy. As does the phrase "I trust you" in the context of how far I can take her.

I can't really explain why. I know it's not that I have some very dark impulses in me I should be afraid of. I don't.... I think

I think it may be that level of devotion.

In my previous relationship it was a balance. There was playtime and there was "not playtime" where we argued about who got the remote (her), who put the dishes in the fridge and breakfast in the sink (me) and what we should do about her son not doing good in school (panic). There was a partnership with ups and downs.

This relationship now is totally unbalanced in comparison. It's still in the starting gate, but if all goes well, does that ever change? There's just... my will. I know that to her it's not just a game and that to me, in the past, it was. I want to take that part more seriously with her, I'm looking forward to it, exploring that part of myself, including the responsibility it entails... but ... why does that make me uneasy?

 

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[Martello]

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Well, it's out of your norm- that's could the start. Also maybe the over all responsibility might be a lot to pretty much have thrown into your lap. Also, possible that you don't trust yourself. Personally I wouldn't really want s Sub to be a Sub 24/7. A relationship has to be 50/50 for me until the door is shut. I wouldn't be uncomfortable as I would be turned off. This is a whole other level of experience. You can go pretty far with it but without some kind of conversation insofar as what you expect in a relationship - you might not want it to last.

But hey it's a new relationship, one way other another. So really the whole feeling out of yourselves and one another is pretty normal.

 

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[praefect]

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I vagely remember that feeling. While it's been a very long time for me I don't think that's it, it being a new relationship. And I should put relationship in quote marks here, since it's more a playdate sort of deal. If this weekend goes well there will be another, and another after that I imagine. I'm not looking to get into another serious relationship for the forseable future. She knows this of course.

... then of course... the last time I said this things didn't go as planned.

Anyways, while my contact with her has turned into a 24/7 like kind of deal, it's not actually 24/7. I don't think I could handle that.

It is out of my norm though, that's true. In more ways then one. And not trusting myself... I'm going to have to ponder that a bit.

By the way, what does "until the door is shut" mean? On which side of that door is your significant other when it is shut? I'm not sure how to interpret that

 

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[Martello]

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The bedroom door my friend. Once where in the bedroom, their ass belongs to be.

 

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[praefect]

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Ah yes, the way the gods of old intended it to be.

 

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[Sparrow69]

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The same thing you are talking of fearing is exactly what I push my slaves towards. Blind devotion and blind trust can be very powerful, and those that have it can feel very rewarded (even more so) when they feel like their own needs are being met, but are also thoroughly happy to meet your needs for the sake of being happy for making you happy... if that makes any sense.

I'm going to assume by reading your post that you are in a relationship with this person and that is why it makes you uneasy. You subconsciously view this person as a partner, and as such, society has forced a sense of equals morality upon you that makes you feel "bad" for forcing subservience upon her. As yourself this... if you were dating someone else and this BDSM arrangement was strictly professional, would you feel bad for taking her to a place of ultimate bliss and trust, or would you charge more for that service?

Think about it honestly....

 

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[praefect]

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I did... you did make me think.

I've always thought of it as getting satisfaction through empathy, so I know exactly what you mean.

A relationship, yes, a partnership, no. At best, friends.

I understand where you're coming from, but no, I don't feel bad about forcing subservicence on her, partly because that's not how I see it. I see her need, so dominating is as much giving as it is taking, which is how I see submission as well. Two things complementing each other beautifully. I guess in that sense I actually do see it as a partnership after all. But not one bound by the rules of social niceties.

But I think I know why now. Pretty sure. 2 more days. When she told me these things I should have been happy, given card blanche I should have been. It's what I want. So why am I worried? Because there's a part of me that's afraid it's going to screw it all up

 

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[monocrome]

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i would imagine it makes you uneasy because it is a HUGE responsibility for someone to say "here's the entirety of my will to do with as you please." i would also caution you that, while these are aparently playdates and you have aparently said to her that you don't want a long term, i have never really come across anyone willing to give themselves up that way (when it comes down to reality, not just in negotiations) that doesn't think there is some possibility of something longer term.

 

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[subspace]

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I have to totally agree with monocrome on this one. In my early days I had a very had time separating out my feelings for my Dom's. Even though there may have been an understanding from the beginning that the relationship was not to be long term, I had the tendency to fall head-over-heels once a deep level of submission was reached. It was very difficult for me to draw the line. Could this be what is making you a bit uneasy praefect?

 

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[praefect]

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Really?

If she has hopes for a long term commitment on my part,... no, she can't. Impossible. She knows that my long term goals and her don't mesh.

She a smart women and she has a lot of self control. I can't really imagine her setting herself up for a painful situation like that.

 

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