Lost, I'm not entirely sure what you're telling us. If I read you correctly, you're saying that you've generally found vanilla intercourse unsatisfying. You have a high sex drive, but your sex drive declines as you find yourself getting more emotionally intimate with a man. You find BDSM porn arousing, but your visit to a fetish club was frightening to you. So BDSM arouses you but scares you at the same time, and you're worried that maybe something is wrong with you and that you'll never enjoy regular sex. Do I have that right?
A few thoughts:
1) Don't worry about enjoying regular sex. Focus on figuring out what sort of sex you enjoy, and then enjoy it. If that means vanilla sex, great, but if kink is what turns you on, don't worry that it's not regular sex. Lots of men and women find regular vanilla sex sort of boring for one reason or another and find kink is what really excites them. If you turn out to be one of those people, there's nothing wrong with that. So be who you are and enjoy what you enjoy.
2) Some subs have a pattern of feeling most intimate with a partner who appears emotionally distant to them. The ones I've known have typically enjoyed serving their partner (making dinner, cleaning his house, etc) while he does something else; they like being ignored, given orders, and the like; they prefer rougher sex to more romantic sex. Does any of this sound like you? If so, you might be submissive.
3) You use the term 'liberate my sexuality'. It sounds to me as if you know you have sexual desires that you're not quite willing to acknowledge to yourself. People with no interest in kink usually don't go to fetish clubs. So I'm wondering about this visit you made. Did you find what you saw arousing, even if it scared you, or did you just find yourself turned off? If you were turned on but scared, I think that's a sign that you have kinky tendencies. If you were totally turned off, it might be a sign that you're not kinky, or it might be a sign that you were too nervous or scared to feel aroused.
4) Your idea of finding a patient dom to help you explore is a smart one. Your fear may be based in the reasonable concern for your physical safety. Letting a man tie you up makes you extremely vulnerable. So you would be wise to find a dom with whom you can build trust before you progress to something like bondage. You might seek a dom who will let you explore taking orders, serving him, and perhaps mild pain play (spanking, tit play, etc) before you move on to rougher things. Don't let fear completely stop you; for some subs, fear can heighten the whole experience.
5) Your desire for cuddling and kissing is not necessarily incompatible with BDSM. You can use BDSM as a prelude to more vanilla sex, or you can use cuddling as the aftercare, to re-affirm the emotional connection and re-establish the equality that was set aside for play. It's just a matter of finding what balance of kink and cuddling works for you and your partner.
