new1
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this article was very thought provoking...http://mistress-avarielle.tripod.com/id37.html
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Some perspective on my slave
- Thread starter sebastian
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sebastian
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Some good thoughts in that article. Thanks, New
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Ceilidh
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I think your right to have your boy seek counseling. I think once he starts going to counseling he might realize that he is -- I'm not sure if my thoughts will come out clear-- but I think he is depending upon you, he's clinging to you because you make him feel good whereas in his past he was raped. And if I was in his position - previously raped, and finding a great guy like you -- I would hang on for dear life.
If this is the case, perhaps suggest having a third person Dom him while you watch/slight participate, and just keep saying to him during that scene how the third person is bringing him such pleasure...you get the idea, I gotta go. My phone is about dead.
If this is the case, perhaps suggest having a third person Dom him while you watch/slight participate, and just keep saying to him during that scene how the third person is bringing him such pleasure...you get the idea, I gotta go. My phone is about dead.
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sebastian
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Yeah, there's another dom here that I'm thinking about 'loaning' him to for additional training. I'm hoping that being with another dom will help him realize that I'm not the only dom that he might find happiness with.
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SlaveLuna
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Sebastian,
I agree with what's being said above, but if I may, I'll add a bit to it.
Can you order him to go out and find some friends? Maybe order him to find a few "toys" of his own. I've had a very bad past and I, too had and still have issues with confidence. When you have a good Master it makes you capable of more than you thought you were ever possible. For instance, I have little confidence in myself and my abilities to do things on my own, but if I were ordered to do something I feel bound by that. An obligation. A commitment. I HAVE to do it. I have no choice but to do it.
My point being, he's afraid of the only person making him capable of doing great things leaving him. It's understandable, but it's also not your responsibility- At least not completely. What he has to realize is that he's capable of doing all of it, of his own accord.
As a human, you feel obligated to help him out obviously, and to not let him cause harm to himself or others, but it's not fair of him to even say that suicide is an option.
Here's what I'd do:
The second he'd mention suicide, I'd tell him that that is NOT an option, and that he is to, under no circumstances harm himself. If you're firm on this, and very direct it can be a powerful, powerful thing.
Secondly, if you're aware of places he likes to go, or things he likes to do, I'd order him to go out and do these things more often. Meet more people. Have fun. Etc. Order him to make friends, essentially. If he sees that he's capable of making friends on his own, it will help build his confidence in himself. Even though you ordered him to make friends, he'll have to do the work. Also, he'll have more support to help him through the tough times and make him less dependent on yourself.
Lastly, I'd definitely do as stated above and see if you can find another dom, or maybe just a play-mate for him. Someone to look after him, and again help him be less dependent on you. Though, I think this should only be temporary and I believe it's very important he works on himself before joining another relationship of this type. I've had to learn that the hard way. You don't think clearly when you're depressed and things can get ugly fast.
I hope this helps. Please let me know how things go. Best of luck.
-M
I agree with what's being said above, but if I may, I'll add a bit to it.
Can you order him to go out and find some friends? Maybe order him to find a few "toys" of his own. I've had a very bad past and I, too had and still have issues with confidence. When you have a good Master it makes you capable of more than you thought you were ever possible. For instance, I have little confidence in myself and my abilities to do things on my own, but if I were ordered to do something I feel bound by that. An obligation. A commitment. I HAVE to do it. I have no choice but to do it.
My point being, he's afraid of the only person making him capable of doing great things leaving him. It's understandable, but it's also not your responsibility- At least not completely. What he has to realize is that he's capable of doing all of it, of his own accord.
As a human, you feel obligated to help him out obviously, and to not let him cause harm to himself or others, but it's not fair of him to even say that suicide is an option.
Here's what I'd do:
The second he'd mention suicide, I'd tell him that that is NOT an option, and that he is to, under no circumstances harm himself. If you're firm on this, and very direct it can be a powerful, powerful thing.
Secondly, if you're aware of places he likes to go, or things he likes to do, I'd order him to go out and do these things more often. Meet more people. Have fun. Etc. Order him to make friends, essentially. If he sees that he's capable of making friends on his own, it will help build his confidence in himself. Even though you ordered him to make friends, he'll have to do the work. Also, he'll have more support to help him through the tough times and make him less dependent on yourself.
Lastly, I'd definitely do as stated above and see if you can find another dom, or maybe just a play-mate for him. Someone to look after him, and again help him be less dependent on you. Though, I think this should only be temporary and I believe it's very important he works on himself before joining another relationship of this type. I've had to learn that the hard way. You don't think clearly when you're depressed and things can get ugly fast.
I hope this helps. Please let me know how things go. Best of luck.
-M
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sebastian
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He's been in better shape, since his meltdown, although I think he's perpetually worried that I'm going to dismiss him. He had a nightmare the other night and accidentally broke his chain, and I think he's scared that I'm going to punish him for that. But he's confronting the specter of his mother (who abused him a lot as a child), and he's starting to respond to it. I gave him a mantra that twice a day he's to say "Fuck you, Mom, I'm worthwhile", and he wrote a letter to his mother (which is what triggered the nightmare).
He asked permission to play with another guy (as a top) while I'm out of town for my father's funeral, and I'm hoping that will help him as well.
He asked permission to play with another guy (as a top) while I'm out of town for my father's funeral, and I'm hoping that will help him as well.
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SlaveLuna
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That's good to hear. A forum he may want to check in to is www.ptsdforum.org . I've been through a lot and I can tell you, that site has helped me a lot. They're a lot of supportive people there with good advice on getting over the past and bad experiences. My name on there is "Faye_Valentine" if it helps at all.
Best of luck.
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sebastian
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Sigh. Had a talk with my slave today and he said that he needs me to love him in order to continue serving me. I told him that I knew that I couldn't love him the way he deserves. I care a lot for him, but I don't feel the spark of love that I need to justify keeping him. We agreed that I will release him. It was a tough conversation and one I wish could have ended differently. It really me sad, but in a way I'm glad he was able to do it, because it shows that he's worked through some of his feelings of worthlessness enough to demand the love he deserves. So I'm depressed.
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Ceilidh
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Oh seb. Don't be depressed. You should be impressed with how far your boy has come. Because you did that. You, seb, got him there. Even though you two are parting I think you two should celebrate his accomplishment - with drinks or something.
I am so proud of you and your boy. Cheer up.
I am so proud of you and your boy. Cheer up.
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