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So let me see if I have this correct: You met a married woman online who wants to be a sub, and you've started playing with her and trying to find out what she wants, but her husband is becoming a problem. Have I got that right?
So how is her husband a problem? Does she want to leave him or is your relationship with her in addition to her relationship with him? Is she cheating on him or does he know about your relationship and accept it?
Without having all the info, let me give you a few things to think about. BDSM is founded on honesty and openness. It doesn't work without those things. So if she is cheating on her husband, you do not have the vital foundation for this relationship to succeed. If she's lying to him, she is going lie or withhold info from you, so there is no way you can trust her the way a dom needs to trust a sub. Also, if she has to hide what she's doing from him, you cannot possibly have the sort of control over her that you probably want. You'll give her orders (dress a certain way, call me at this time, etc.) and she won't be able to because of her husband. You'll be torturing her and she'll suddenly start worrying about her husband noticing the marks, and she'll tell you to stop. Having to hide your relationship in this fashion is pretty much fatal to effective, satisfying power exchange. So, if she's cheating on her husband, just end this relationship. She might be willing to sub for you, but she's not in a place in her life where it will work and you're going to wind up getting hurt. Yes, maybe she's intending to leave her husband, but she hasn't yet, and you have no way of knowing if she ever will. Additionally, being the other man is beneath you as a dom. You have an obligation to be a trustworthy dom, and helping a woman cheat is not being trustworthy.
So how about if her husband knows about the relationship and is ok with it? You cannot avoid his presence in the relationship, so address it openly. Meet with him and her together and talk about what you mean for their relationship. That might sound weird, but that's how mature adults conduct open relationships. Don't take her word for it that he's ok with it; talk to him yourself.
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