Is it abuse?

Callie · Aug 11, 2010

L8NightQ said:
Hi callie

I think you guys have covered the obvious, but I'm curious about something.

When the online relationship started both of you were in vanilla relationships, and now you are out of yours? You've been having trouble with him for a while but how did the timing work?
Did the two have any thing to do with each other time wise?
Did you talk about what your plans were after the vanilla breakup?
How did he know about your other online friends..... you told him, or this was open chat?
After a while the sex stopped but you guys stayed "friends". You didn't say why it stopped but you must have asked. What did he tell you?

SLP and Sebastian gave you very straightforward advice and I feel the same way.

Sometimes we forget that there are really two kinds of people on the web and in chat rooms. Those like you, and those that pretend to be someone else. If you can't get honesty and openness from a friend, they aren't a real friend.

I can't say I agree with your sub friend about him being an abuser. I don't think his agenda is that sinister. I think he's more of a player and a jerk who just doesn't need you that much any more and hasn't for some time.

It seems that everyone that tries online relationships goes thru some players and less than honest feeders. Hopefully you'll be more aware of folks like him in the future (they're out there on the streets too).

I say this because.... He's still online, just not so much with you. This usually means that he has someone else he's focusing on. The relationship took a turn, he reached out to you to fill the void until his other relationship came back on, and now he's cold again. This is standard player activity. You did nothing wrong. He came on to you, remember? And if I read you right, you responded positively.

The whole thing about him caring to much? Throw that out the window.
Again.... He's still online, just not with you. If his personal life got that crazy and confused, he wouldn't be online.

I'm glad you guys never met, and the farther you get away from him, the more transparent he will become.

By the way..... Welcome to the forum, and don't be a stranger. It sounds like this was your first D/s experience. I'd like to hear more.

Boyfriend gone, how are you going about looking for Mr. Right now? (currently)

Appreciate all the advice I'm getting and thanks for the welcome

. I'm taking the baby steps to remove my ability to contact him so I'm not tempted. He's no longer on my messengers as a contact so he doesn't see me sign in and out and I'm not seeing him sign in and out either so I'm not constantly reminded of Him. Sounds like a small thing but after a year of constant contact its pretty big in my world! These posts really are helping me see his true colors and I'm glad I never met up with Him either. I'm starting to think maybe he only said he had feelings for me so we could meet up for sex and then he goes home to his wife.

To answer your questions:

When the online relationship started both of you were in vanilla relationships, and now you are out of yours? You've been having trouble with him for a while but how did the timing work?

Yes I'm out of mine. He knew my relationship was ending for several months. He was already pulling away from me when my relationship finally broken up.

Did the two have any thing to do with each other time wise?

We had made plans to meet but hadn't settled on a date yet.

Did you talk about what your plans were after the vanilla breakup?

Sort of. He had already pulled away from me before that. He did ask me if that would mean I was moving to live closer to Him (which I had mentioned I was interested in doing a long time ago, I'd planned it before I met him and it was always on the cards). However I did say that I wouldn't be doing it immediately and it would likely still be months away.

How did he know about your other online friends..... you told him, or this was open chat?

They were people he knew also that he disliked. He was angry when I defended them.

After a while the sex stopped but you guys stayed "friends". You didn't say why it stopped but you must have asked. What did he tell you?

Not to pressure him and that he wasn't alone at home so it was difficult.

Boyfriend gone, how are you going about looking for Mr. Right now?

I'm not. I don't want a new relationship for a while and my next won't be Vanilla

I'm taking a loong break from relationships.

Callie · Aug 11, 2010

sebastian said:
Your dom seems to be blurring the lines between the outer and inner levels by treating you in a way that show he places little value on you and does not respect your gestures of submission and the offering of yourself to him. You can do better than him.

Thanks for taking the time to explain. I am absolutely seeing it now but I was so absorbed before I didn't. I kept telling myself I wasn't good enough for Him.

sebastian · Aug 13, 2010

And just to continue my analysis, you were blurring the levels as well, confusing the outer level of unworthiness for the inner reality of unworthiness.

Is it abuse?

Callie

New Member

Callie

New Member

sebastian

Active Member

Similar threads