Revenance
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Hello forums. My name is "Z" (AKA Revenance or Reven) and I need some advice and positive reinforcement regarding the new territory my relationship has just entered into. I'm sorry if this is crazy long, but talking about it and writing out my thoughts has proven to be very therapeutic for me. I think it will be helpful if I explain the background of my relationship and how it's completely changed over the past few weeks.
Two years ago, I met the love of my life (we'll call her "L"). We hit it off right away, went on a date the next afternoon, and have barely spent a day apart since. We moved in together a few months after we met, we got engaged a year later, and got pregnant a week after we got engaged. Our baby son is now
5 months old. My fiance also has an 11 year old daughter who now regards me as her dad, though she's shy about calling me by that title. We are completely and utterly in love and have a very model relationship in the eyes of our friends and family. However, there have always been some serious
underlying issues.
Let me first explain that before meeting L, I had only dated four other girls, and only slept with the latter two of them. The first one I slept with cheated on me like crazy and when I found out she freaked on me, trashed my stuff, left and I never heard from her again. The last girl I slept with
had little to no self-esteem or confidence in bed, which led to a year of an awkward and unhappy bedroom life. Then I met L, and everything was different. Our sex life was really good, comfortable, fun, and frequent.
Now, as you can tell, prior to meeting L, I had very little experience sexually, and what little experience I did have was negative. L is a completely different story. She has been with hundreds of girls and guys, has slept with more people than many porn stars, and has a very deep and complex sexual
personality. She was very active in the fetish/bdsm scene as a teenager, but got married to her first husband and stopped attending fetish parties. Instead, they frequented swingers clubs together and possessed (for a time) a successful polygamist relationship. She is heavily into submission, role-playing, costumes and uniforms, whipping, paddling, exhibitionism, and voyeurism. Me? I was (and still am a bit) vanilla. Sex beyond the norm is a scary thing for a guy like me. I've always desired a monogamist relationship and prided myself on my fidelity. Since being with L, I haven't even flirted with another girl. That's just how I am. I don't cheat, physically or emotionally.
When I met L, she was very straight forward and told me of her history and her sexual lifestyle right up front. Being completely naive to that lifestyle, I freaked the fuck out about this stuff in the beginning, but every time we would fight about it, I would get scared to lose her and would bite back my
discomfort over her past and focus on how much I was in love with her. As time went on, I would forget about how her past made me feel for a few months, and then we would fight about it all over again. It became quite the sore spot in our relationship. I once told her I would never tell any of my
friends what she used to do, which she understandably interpreted as me saying I was ashamed of her. We always managed to patch things up, but like I said, it was and still is a sore spot in our relationship.
Anyway, after giving birth to our new baby, things were pretty good, but it has been hard on us emotionally and physically. The toils of taking care of a baby and getting little to no sleep took their toll on us and we had a near break up around Valentine's Day. She went out late with her friends, got
trashed, and came home at 5am while I spent the night taking care of our fussy baby. I was angry, we fought, and it got really really bad. Like, I thought it was over. We went a week barely speaking. All the while, I lost my strength. I would openly sob in front of her, and it would just piss her off more. She
told me she didn't feel like she was in love anymore. Things were really rough for a while, and then one day she told me that one of her biggest issues was feeling confined to a monogamist relationship. This hurt me terribly, and I interpreted what she had said as her telling me she wasn't going to be happy
being with just me.
So, I prepared to leave. I stopped crying about shit, manned up, put my foot down, and started to explain the process we'd have to undergo in order to split up. I was firm with her, but not angry or mean. I told her the facts of the situation in a level-headed manner and started packing my things. I left for the weekend, and by Saturday afternoon, she was begging me to come home. Apparently, me firming up and taking control knocked some sense into her and she realized she couldn't imagine not spending the rest of her life without me. We then both realized that the reason she didn't feel like she was in love anymore was because I was, to be frank, starting to act like a pussy instead of act like a man. She needs me to be her rock, not some soft, passive sissy. That changed that day, and she's reminded me every day that she's in love with me again.
After having calmed down and spent a few amazing days together, she explained that she wasn't saying she wanted to be with other men. What she missed was an exciting sexual lifestyle, and she missed having the occasional encounter with another girl. She wanted to explore more and she wanted me to
open up. So that's what we've been doing for the past month.
First, we went to a strip club together and got some lap dances. In the beginning of our relationship, I think I would have been turned off by the whole thing. I've always been a very jealous and protective partner, and even though I like the idea of a threesome, there was still something in me that didn't
like the idea of anyone else touching my partner or even seeing her naked, even if it's another girl. Also, I'm a one-woman-type-of-man. I still associate sex with love (which she doesn't always). I was just very, very sheltered and always believed in fidelity and modesty. But, to my surprise, I LOVED IT. It was incredibly sexy to watch a stripper grind on L and lick her breasts. Likewise, L had no issues with me fondling the stripper or sucking on her nipples. It was one of the funnest times we've ever had together. There was no jealously or resentment, just happiness and lust. It was also very clear to L that I was there to be with her. She knew my eyes on were on her the whole time, and the strippers were just faceless playthings for us to enjoy together.
On the drive home from the strip club, I pulled her pants down while she drove and gave her head the whole way. I even pulled her tits out as we drove and a few people were able to see into our car and see what was going on. Normally, I would have had a shit fit about the potential of some trucker catching a glimpse at my fiance's rack, but I was just so excited and happy it didn't really matter. A small part of me still has reservations about it, but when I'm realistic with myself, why should I get upset cause some random person maybe saw an obstructed view of her boobs for a few seconds. Not to mention, it was me that exposed her in the first place!
After we got home, we were so riled up we took a walk to a dark spot in our neighborhood, slipped behind the wall, and fucked for an hour against the wall about thirty yards from a major road, people driving by and everything. It was super fun and I have no issues with any of it. In the following days,
we started trying all sorts of things, like role-playing, feigned rape/home invasion with a gun (not real of course, but looks damn real), spanking, food play, some choking, golden showers (ahem), and more. It. Was. Awesome.
Awesome.
Now, recently we were invited to attend a fetish party. Feeling brave and interested in exploring, I agreed to try it out. We had tons of fun putting our costumes together and preparing for the night. We met up with our friends, took a bunch of tequila shots, and headed to the club. Now, again, this environment was completely foreign to me, but for the first hour or so I had fun.
Until, she met up with one of her friends from twelve years ago who she used to frequent the fetish scene with. Now, up until this point, it was clear that I wasn't cool with anyone touching her, but because she knew this guy, he came right up and grabbed her ass right in front of me. This irked me hard. I basically just walked away and left her with her friend and the other couple we came with. When she came to ask what was wrong, I explained I didn't like seeing that dude grope her ass, but she replied "well I've known him for over a decade". I tried to explain that it didn't really matter how long she knew him, I only knew the dude for 5 seconds before he put his hand on her rear end. Anyway, she quickly explained that after he did that she told him he wasn't allowed to touch her and I cooled down.
At this point, I had stopped being sour about the incident with her friend and we proceeded outside where the club had a few racks set up. She leaned over and whispered into my ear "Do you want to strap me to that and spank me?", to which I replied "...Fuck yes!" (???)
Pause here. What?! I just said yes to that? Well, yeah I did. Was I doing it just because I knew she wanted to? Well, no, actually. I liked the idea... Very surprising to me. Unpause.
Cont...
Two years ago, I met the love of my life (we'll call her "L"). We hit it off right away, went on a date the next afternoon, and have barely spent a day apart since. We moved in together a few months after we met, we got engaged a year later, and got pregnant a week after we got engaged. Our baby son is now
5 months old. My fiance also has an 11 year old daughter who now regards me as her dad, though she's shy about calling me by that title. We are completely and utterly in love and have a very model relationship in the eyes of our friends and family. However, there have always been some serious
underlying issues.
Let me first explain that before meeting L, I had only dated four other girls, and only slept with the latter two of them. The first one I slept with cheated on me like crazy and when I found out she freaked on me, trashed my stuff, left and I never heard from her again. The last girl I slept with
had little to no self-esteem or confidence in bed, which led to a year of an awkward and unhappy bedroom life. Then I met L, and everything was different. Our sex life was really good, comfortable, fun, and frequent.
Now, as you can tell, prior to meeting L, I had very little experience sexually, and what little experience I did have was negative. L is a completely different story. She has been with hundreds of girls and guys, has slept with more people than many porn stars, and has a very deep and complex sexual
personality. She was very active in the fetish/bdsm scene as a teenager, but got married to her first husband and stopped attending fetish parties. Instead, they frequented swingers clubs together and possessed (for a time) a successful polygamist relationship. She is heavily into submission, role-playing, costumes and uniforms, whipping, paddling, exhibitionism, and voyeurism. Me? I was (and still am a bit) vanilla. Sex beyond the norm is a scary thing for a guy like me. I've always desired a monogamist relationship and prided myself on my fidelity. Since being with L, I haven't even flirted with another girl. That's just how I am. I don't cheat, physically or emotionally.
When I met L, she was very straight forward and told me of her history and her sexual lifestyle right up front. Being completely naive to that lifestyle, I freaked the fuck out about this stuff in the beginning, but every time we would fight about it, I would get scared to lose her and would bite back my
discomfort over her past and focus on how much I was in love with her. As time went on, I would forget about how her past made me feel for a few months, and then we would fight about it all over again. It became quite the sore spot in our relationship. I once told her I would never tell any of my
friends what she used to do, which she understandably interpreted as me saying I was ashamed of her. We always managed to patch things up, but like I said, it was and still is a sore spot in our relationship.
Anyway, after giving birth to our new baby, things were pretty good, but it has been hard on us emotionally and physically. The toils of taking care of a baby and getting little to no sleep took their toll on us and we had a near break up around Valentine's Day. She went out late with her friends, got
trashed, and came home at 5am while I spent the night taking care of our fussy baby. I was angry, we fought, and it got really really bad. Like, I thought it was over. We went a week barely speaking. All the while, I lost my strength. I would openly sob in front of her, and it would just piss her off more. She
told me she didn't feel like she was in love anymore. Things were really rough for a while, and then one day she told me that one of her biggest issues was feeling confined to a monogamist relationship. This hurt me terribly, and I interpreted what she had said as her telling me she wasn't going to be happy
being with just me.
So, I prepared to leave. I stopped crying about shit, manned up, put my foot down, and started to explain the process we'd have to undergo in order to split up. I was firm with her, but not angry or mean. I told her the facts of the situation in a level-headed manner and started packing my things. I left for the weekend, and by Saturday afternoon, she was begging me to come home. Apparently, me firming up and taking control knocked some sense into her and she realized she couldn't imagine not spending the rest of her life without me. We then both realized that the reason she didn't feel like she was in love anymore was because I was, to be frank, starting to act like a pussy instead of act like a man. She needs me to be her rock, not some soft, passive sissy. That changed that day, and she's reminded me every day that she's in love with me again.
After having calmed down and spent a few amazing days together, she explained that she wasn't saying she wanted to be with other men. What she missed was an exciting sexual lifestyle, and she missed having the occasional encounter with another girl. She wanted to explore more and she wanted me to
open up. So that's what we've been doing for the past month.
First, we went to a strip club together and got some lap dances. In the beginning of our relationship, I think I would have been turned off by the whole thing. I've always been a very jealous and protective partner, and even though I like the idea of a threesome, there was still something in me that didn't
like the idea of anyone else touching my partner or even seeing her naked, even if it's another girl. Also, I'm a one-woman-type-of-man. I still associate sex with love (which she doesn't always). I was just very, very sheltered and always believed in fidelity and modesty. But, to my surprise, I LOVED IT. It was incredibly sexy to watch a stripper grind on L and lick her breasts. Likewise, L had no issues with me fondling the stripper or sucking on her nipples. It was one of the funnest times we've ever had together. There was no jealously or resentment, just happiness and lust. It was also very clear to L that I was there to be with her. She knew my eyes on were on her the whole time, and the strippers were just faceless playthings for us to enjoy together.
On the drive home from the strip club, I pulled her pants down while she drove and gave her head the whole way. I even pulled her tits out as we drove and a few people were able to see into our car and see what was going on. Normally, I would have had a shit fit about the potential of some trucker catching a glimpse at my fiance's rack, but I was just so excited and happy it didn't really matter. A small part of me still has reservations about it, but when I'm realistic with myself, why should I get upset cause some random person maybe saw an obstructed view of her boobs for a few seconds. Not to mention, it was me that exposed her in the first place!
After we got home, we were so riled up we took a walk to a dark spot in our neighborhood, slipped behind the wall, and fucked for an hour against the wall about thirty yards from a major road, people driving by and everything. It was super fun and I have no issues with any of it. In the following days,
we started trying all sorts of things, like role-playing, feigned rape/home invasion with a gun (not real of course, but looks damn real), spanking, food play, some choking, golden showers (ahem), and more. It. Was. Awesome.
Awesome.
Now, recently we were invited to attend a fetish party. Feeling brave and interested in exploring, I agreed to try it out. We had tons of fun putting our costumes together and preparing for the night. We met up with our friends, took a bunch of tequila shots, and headed to the club. Now, again, this environment was completely foreign to me, but for the first hour or so I had fun.
Until, she met up with one of her friends from twelve years ago who she used to frequent the fetish scene with. Now, up until this point, it was clear that I wasn't cool with anyone touching her, but because she knew this guy, he came right up and grabbed her ass right in front of me. This irked me hard. I basically just walked away and left her with her friend and the other couple we came with. When she came to ask what was wrong, I explained I didn't like seeing that dude grope her ass, but she replied "well I've known him for over a decade". I tried to explain that it didn't really matter how long she knew him, I only knew the dude for 5 seconds before he put his hand on her rear end. Anyway, she quickly explained that after he did that she told him he wasn't allowed to touch her and I cooled down.
At this point, I had stopped being sour about the incident with her friend and we proceeded outside where the club had a few racks set up. She leaned over and whispered into my ear "Do you want to strap me to that and spank me?", to which I replied "...Fuck yes!" (???)
Pause here. What?! I just said yes to that? Well, yeah I did. Was I doing it just because I knew she wanted to? Well, no, actually. I liked the idea... Very surprising to me. Unpause.
Cont...
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