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a Womans view
I so know what you mean. I used to be a switch but now I am specifically dom due to that fustration. I would always find myself pushing limits just to hope they would get it and be tougher. But no, it was almost a relief to them, like they were thinking maybe I really didn't need to be dominated. With my husband, I would read stories with him on literotica, I would write out fantasies in a special journal we would talk about how this shows love and trust, etc. but he was just so blocked. Imagine having him stop a scene to ask if this is what I meant or to rustle the journal pages, humph. I would just say, fuck me quick and get this over.
Anyway, sinceI am married and did not want to find another partner when we discovered he was clearly a sub and fem, I had to make a choice to go dom permanently or continue to face fustration and let it ruin our marriage. I always would be thinking why are they not getting this? Was it laziness, knowledge, not caring. Now I know using my psych training that his mother really did create a femme and I didn't want to see it under his military facade, he didn't have dom in him. He is also a little bit lazy too and admitted being a dom is a bit more hard work than he is able to maintain on a regular basis. So no attempt at me trying to get him to see this as a way to get to have the ultimate male sexual fantasies lived in real life was ever going to work. And usually we are ok. At times when he gets an attitude I will remind him we could go back to me being sub and that usually changes his attitude because he knew that he couldn't full me as a dom.
Now the best way I handle it is to make sure that I do not go too long in between really good orgasms because then my sub tendencies come out more. i also attempt to use my fantasy life as a method to at least think about being bound, which is the part that I miss the most, during solo times. I also admit to being rougher on him sometimes because I wish it were me. The only other options I have are to either start an additional relationship, online or in person, and potentially damage my marriage, or attempt to take as much pleasure I can from being a dom only. It is not possible to make someone into a dom if they don't want it or don't have it in them, without creating resentment and hurt. If I were still single in this situation I think I might have looked for a new partner or stayed single so I could of added the additional dom in my life as a treat.
Hope my view helped a little.
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