Jelousy?

ALise · Sep 15, 2007

Is that true that jealousy has no place in the Lifestyle?
But how do you deal with those feelings of hurt and anger when you see your Master playing or entice other girls? Especially if you realise that they are far more pretty and fresh then yourself? I am always afraid I can be replaced or she can become more valuable for my Master and I - just an extraâ€¦ It irritates me at the same time when I feel jealousy, as I understand that there is He, who has to enjoy and have all the pleasure, so I should be just happy watching him having it. Also I realise that it is not fair to expect him to be able to fulfill every his need just only with one person. But I feel too insecure, so I get in panic right away all the time it happens, and that slowly ruins our relationsâ€¦ So I understand there is something wrong with me, but I canâ€™t learn how to deal with it.
Maybe I still not truly understand my place?
And do I have any right at all to wish I were the only one for my Master?

Hekaron · Sep 15, 2007

Jealousy happens. Even if you think it should not have a place in your personality, your life or your relationship, it sometimes does. Only very few people are without it.

What you express in your OP could be labeled concern as well as jealousy, and concern can be a valid emotion. I for one am virtually without jealousy (I enjoy polyamorous relationships if the situation allows it) and that cost me my relationship of about ten years. I was too lenient on my slave. I let her play a few times with a Dom who was an expert at Shibari bondage and she was totally taken away by his intricate suspensions. He proved to be very manipulative and his mesmerizing spiritual-healer personality did the rest. So yes, there could be reason for concern and ooops, it can happen to Doms as well.

What you are entitled to gain from the relationship, what privileges you have and what are His prerogatives, can only be negotiated by the two of you. Once that's settled, you should both stick to it. Express what you feel as 'concern' rather than jealousy to your Master and ask Him if He would like to take away those concerns. If he agrees and succeeds to do so, then your relationship has gained in the process, if He does not care to, you have to see if that is what you are ready to settle for. If you're not, ask yourself if your place is at His feet.
Some relationships are about mutual fulfilment, others are about Dom(mes) getting their way in everything, with the subs knowing no better or wishing no more than that's how it should be. There is no one correct set of rules in BDSM, only what works in a given relationship and it's not always about equal fulfilment. You decide what you need and what you are prepared to do in order to have it.

If you are allowed to express your needs and insecurities, then do so. There's no such thing like "too much communication". I hope that will bring you what you need: trust and a secure feeling. Who wouldn't want that?

regards

Ron

ALise · Sep 17, 2007

Thank you very much, Ron, for your reply... I leared from it... But can I ask you if you ever felt jealousy for your slave, and if yes, in what situations? And did you feel jealousy seeing shibary master taking away your slave? Or.. how did you feel? And will you ever manage (or want) to be as lenient as you was before your bad experience? Was sorry to hear that in fact, it should have been dificult time for you.

Hekaron · Sep 19, 2007

Hi Alise,

I posted the bulk of my reply to your personal profile, as some things felt a little too private for the boards. Sadness, disbelief, bewilderment, anger; yes, I felt and still feel that. When you give someone you dearly love into the hands of someone else, into a vulnerable, susceptible situation and he takes advantage of this, this also fills me with disgust. And she let it happen.
Would this make me more prone to jealousy in the future? I don't think so; just less trustful towards strangers. With him being a spiritual therapist, next to his shibari craftmanship, I wrongly assumed higher moral standards. . .

Ron

gunnphiter · Oct 26, 2007

Being a Master I can not understand Your problem. Master's have jealousy problems too. I can correct the problem by either removing my slaves' temptation or reminding her what her position in life is, and that is complete submissiom to Me.

Before this correction can be applied the situation does hurt!

Jelousy?

ALise

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Hekaron

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ALise

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