Is it too much

IsabellaCullen · Jun 12, 2010

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read this. i am new to the life of a submissive and feel i am fitting into the lifestyle with relative ease. i am having some issues with the level of control my Master wishes to have. He has been building on what he controls and announced last week that from this point forward only he is allowed to insert anything in me, i agreed, but didn't think it through, or missed a key element.

To the point of my ramble....my period started yesterday and He got very angry when i inserted a tampon....He held me down and removed it....and i was harshly punished, before he cleaned me up and inserted a new one.

i am feeling very conflicted, He hasnt spoken to me all day which shows He is angry and i am not allowed to break the silence. Is this level on control acceptable, or more importantly usual.

Isabella

sillylittlepet · Jun 12, 2010

that kind of control would bother me, because I feel I should still be allowed to do my own things without having someone always watching my back and constantly conforming to strict rules
buuuut that might not be you, and he obviously feels he has the right amount of control

Talk to your master about this, he's the one you should really be having a discussion with. Every sub has the right to talk their master/mistress about important issues
If you're not happy or comfortable then it isn't okay and you need to discuss/draw the boundaries with him

If you're not allowed to "break the silence" then you need to find a way to signal to him that you two need to have a discussion, outside of your D/s relationship if need be. I believe that it is unfair to prohibit communication, but once again that's just me.

(welcome, btw!)

Tumbl3 · Jun 13, 2010

Welcome!

If I had done this with my sub (and he was a girl), I'd leave inserting a tampon to her (but, as SLP said, that's just me).

I agree with SLP, you should try to talk to your Master. I also think it's unfair to prohibit communication, since that is one of the bigger aspects of a D/s relationship.

Darktruth · Jun 13, 2010

Is your Master new to this as well Isabella? How long have you been in this lifestyle (Weeks, months, years)?

To me, personally, this comes under the â€œneedâ€ category therefore I have no right to try and control this therefore I wont. For me this is akin to telling you off for breathing. Some Domâ€™s might like this amount of control and some Subs might like it as well but I donâ€™t really see what the problem is. If a Dom is going to be so vague then he might as well tell you off when you eatâ€¦at the end of the day your â€œinsertingâ€ something into yourself then so whereâ€™s the difference? Fuck it, lets have the same for cotton buds (que tips) and when you go to the dentist for a check-up.

The vagueness in this is horrendous, the point is well meaning but this hasnâ€™t been thought out if at all. Controlling your sexual incisions would have been much clearer and, to be honest, more sensible.

I hate the silent treatment but I will say one thing. If heâ€™s punished you why is he still giving you the silent treatment? Punishment is the end of the offenceâ€¦youâ€™ve been punished, youâ€™ve said sorry so now itâ€™s time to move on. I donâ€™t like the silent treatment at the best of times but, to me, lack of clear communication caused this therefore you should be allowed to talk to your Dom and iron out the major creases in his idea.

Sparrow69 · Jun 13, 2010

I do not completely agree with the above posts. While I do see this as a "Need" issue as well for sanitary purposes, I understand from your post, your master made a decree, and you agreed. Just because you chose not to ask specific questions before such a decree doesn't mean he has no right to punish you for not understanding the confines of the agreement. As an alternative, you could use pads instead of tampons and therefore eliminate it as a need.

While yes, I agree it is rather vague, perhaps that was the point. Depending on the lifestyle the two of you are striving for, it seems to me your Dom is interested in TPE (total power exchange) and in such this level of control is not uncommon at all. If that level isnt good for you then you need to communicate that fact.

There's definitely a breakdown in communication here, whether if be from lack of experience or something else, you two must, and I stress MUST, communicate of this will only end bitterly. Good luck, let us know how it goes, and welcome to the forum.

doloroso · Jun 13, 2010

Darktruth said:
To me, personally, this comes under the “need” category therefore I have no right to try and control this therefore I wont. For me this is akin to telling you off for breathing. Some Dom’s might like this amount of control and some Subs might like it as well but I don’t really see what the problem is. If a Dom is going to be so vague then he might as well tell you off when you eat…at the end of the day your “inserting” something into yourself then so where’s the difference? Fuck it, lets have the same for cotton buds (que tips) and when you go to the dentist for a check-up.

The vagueness in this is horrendous, the point is well meaning but this hasn’t been thought out if at all. Controlling your sexual incisions would have been much clearer and, to be honest, more sensible.

I hate the silent treatment but I will say one thing. If he’s punished you why is he still giving you the silent treatment? Punishment is the end of the offence…you’ve been punished, you’ve said sorry so now it’s time to move on. I don’t like the silent treatment at the best of times but, to me, lack of clear communication caused this therefore you should be allowed to talk to your Dom and iron out the major creases in his idea.

I totally agree with Darktruth. It seems to me that there is still a lot to be discussed between you and your master. There are for certain some situations in life, where there is no place for domination . My first rule is that both partners shoud feel confortable in each situation, no matter how hard and painfull the "treatments " are. And with confortable I mean mentall and not physical comfort. If something fails during your sessions and you feel unconfortable, you shoud have a possibility to stop it using a safe word and your master is obliged to comply to it. Than you two should discuss the issue.
For action described abowe I would say that is just building of somebody`s ego on account of submissive person.
And silence is never the riht way to any relationsship let alone BDSM.
But that is me, I am more in SM than D . Hope I am wrong

Darktruth · Jun 13, 2010

Sparrow69 said:
Just because you chose not to ask specific questions before such a decree doesn't mean he has no right to punish you for not understanding the confines of the agreement.

But thatâ€™s my point entirely. Nobody could possibly understand the confines of this agreement. If he wanted to be so vague he should have punished her when she ate for the first time after this agreement because she had to insert a folk into her mouth in order to eat.

Why is she being punished for this but not for eating or cleaning her ears with a cotton bud after she showers? If youâ€™re punishing for this then you punish her for everything else as well, you canâ€™t just pick and chose.

I totally agree with Darktruth. It seems to me that there is still a lot to be discussed between you and your master.

Thatâ€™s twice in the same day somebodyâ€™s agreed with me. Lol. Seriously though, as you say, there is a lot to discuss between Isabella and her Master.

Sparrow69 · Jun 13, 2010

id like to point out, darktruth, that as i said, while sanitary care is a necessity, tampons are not. Eating is a necessity that cannot be subjugated, and therefore, is moot, however he could prohibit her from using utensils... As for the cotton swab for the ears, not everyone doesn't that, and it is by far NOT necessary to do.

While I agree they need to discuss it and get clarification on a lot of things, she needs to do so BEFORE agreeing to it, not after. What her master has done is totally NOT uncommon in TPE relationships, which is why i brought that up. Consider this... some subs arent allowed to use the bathroom without permission, and if they have an accident, they are punished severely, but its not seen as such an obscure stipulation to put on a sub... how is this request any different? Both are necessary sanitary functions, the only difference being this one can be dealt with differently.. Tampons are not a requirement of menstruation.

Sate_Sprie · Jun 13, 2010

I think this is mainly a failure of communication by all parties.

I really don't think his actions are excessive or harsh, but I'm assuming as Sparrow said, you're both into TPE. He needs to be more clear, and you need to clarify the depth of his commands when you're discussing it.

As everyone had already said, and will say many many more times, this will not work without proper communication. I know this from personal experience as well. Master and I have tried this twice. The first time if felled miserably because neither one of us were really talking about it. This time, it's regularly discussed and it's working out perfectly. There will always be occasional communication breakdowns, but for the most part those should come very seldom. This will not work if you can't talk to him. It just won't. That's the only way you're going to get what you need to function accordingly.

L8NightQ · Jun 13, 2010

Am I missing something?

Isabella - First...... Welcome to the forum. Glad you decided to seek out this kind of forum and ask.

Didn't you say you are new to this lifestyle? (as a submissive),
and now you've graduated to TPE?

Was this requirement part of your training?
What are you're rules regarding communication?

You will find as you continue here that the majority of us feel this kind of relationship requires and demands more communication than most.
We are not limited to the "what normal people would do" parameters when it comes to things like this, and many other aspects of our relationships.

DarkTruth said it pretty much right, and if you're not comfortable with what's going on, then remember that even Total Power Exchange is still consensual.

Remember one thing please. In any relationship - at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself.... Am I better for having been with them? Did they make me seem more whole, or less?

Haven't seen any responses from you so far. Hope you're not gone.

Is it too much

IsabellaCullen

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sillylittlepet

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Tumbl3

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Darktruth

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Sparrow69

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doloroso

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Darktruth

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Sparrow69

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Sate_Sprie

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L8NightQ

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