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I realize there are likely a billion threads like this, and I appologize whole-heartedly for adding to the clutter, but I'm more than a little lost and so I thought I'd ask you, the people who actually know something about the subject, rather than seeking out biased sources elsewhere. I'm making my own thread since noone's case is exact (nor do I think they want me asking questions in _their_ thread), so here's the neigh-on tradtionally mandated personal story for this situation:
I have a warped psychology, and I don't get a lot of satisfaction out of sex. I have, on the other hand, had sexual encounters that to this day make it hard for me to breathe because of the sheer intensity of it. I'm a heterosexual male, about 26 years old, who has been (legally speaking) sexually assaulted by 3 different women and my heart's pounding just writing that much about them. In the spirit of honesty, I'll point out that I'm not particularly attractive, so I have no idea why I was targeted. I'll also say this started VERY EARLY in my life (probably earlier than you think), and probably left an imprint. Each case involved cutting off escape routes, usually bodily, pressing their loins against mine and grinding against me, usually belittling me in the process. I had no control, no escape, and was terrified of these women both socially & emotionally. Then they left, and for years now I've had this burning ache in my chest to return to that moment of intense sexuality and fear. It sounds like I'm a sub, and a candidate for a BDSM lifestyle!
...But I've tried being submissive, and I don't have any sort of feelings like I did above. I don't get a rise out of fantasy, in fact, I think having to fantasize is what kills my sexual satisfaction. I have to _believe_ it, and be terrified. The women who "attacked" me were my social superiors (often the "queen bee" type) who could have completely ruined my social life, were idolized or intensely hated by the girls around them, and chased after by all the boys. I could _not_ have them, yet there they were going after _me_, even if it was just for a laugh. I was afraid of something real. Their condescension was real. I don't know how permission plays into it, because they certainly didn't have mine at the start. Their power was complete, and I was (excuse the phrase) blissfully lost to whims of their will. That's why I _still_ think about them, even decades later.
When I tried going through the motions, though, it felt completely fake. To be fair, I was with someone who was naturally submissive like me, but in other ways. Perhaps that's why, but it didn't seem like she was the problem persay. Like I said, I'm not into fantasies. I certainly don't like the idea of saying "yes you can do this" - I'd rather it be taken and my overwhelming satisfaction a lucky but coincidental side effect. I don't know much about BDSM, but I do know that safety and limits are quintessential. Even a slave/master relationship is a partnership above all else, with clear limits and established permission. If there's safety and limits, how can I be afraid? And if I can't be afraid, how can I be aroused?
I did say my psychology is warped. But all this makes me wonder, am I appropriate for the scene? Or do I have unrealistic desires? If so, well... shit. I've had to leave relationships that were otherwise perfect because at night I had this overwhelming hollow sensation, and complete lack of sexual satisfaction. I'm using the power of anonymity to achieve honesty, and to be honest I'm at my wits end. I'd appreciate advice. I hate this and don't know where to turn.
I have a warped psychology, and I don't get a lot of satisfaction out of sex. I have, on the other hand, had sexual encounters that to this day make it hard for me to breathe because of the sheer intensity of it. I'm a heterosexual male, about 26 years old, who has been (legally speaking) sexually assaulted by 3 different women and my heart's pounding just writing that much about them. In the spirit of honesty, I'll point out that I'm not particularly attractive, so I have no idea why I was targeted. I'll also say this started VERY EARLY in my life (probably earlier than you think), and probably left an imprint. Each case involved cutting off escape routes, usually bodily, pressing their loins against mine and grinding against me, usually belittling me in the process. I had no control, no escape, and was terrified of these women both socially & emotionally. Then they left, and for years now I've had this burning ache in my chest to return to that moment of intense sexuality and fear. It sounds like I'm a sub, and a candidate for a BDSM lifestyle!
...But I've tried being submissive, and I don't have any sort of feelings like I did above. I don't get a rise out of fantasy, in fact, I think having to fantasize is what kills my sexual satisfaction. I have to _believe_ it, and be terrified. The women who "attacked" me were my social superiors (often the "queen bee" type) who could have completely ruined my social life, were idolized or intensely hated by the girls around them, and chased after by all the boys. I could _not_ have them, yet there they were going after _me_, even if it was just for a laugh. I was afraid of something real. Their condescension was real. I don't know how permission plays into it, because they certainly didn't have mine at the start. Their power was complete, and I was (excuse the phrase) blissfully lost to whims of their will. That's why I _still_ think about them, even decades later.
When I tried going through the motions, though, it felt completely fake. To be fair, I was with someone who was naturally submissive like me, but in other ways. Perhaps that's why, but it didn't seem like she was the problem persay. Like I said, I'm not into fantasies. I certainly don't like the idea of saying "yes you can do this" - I'd rather it be taken and my overwhelming satisfaction a lucky but coincidental side effect. I don't know much about BDSM, but I do know that safety and limits are quintessential. Even a slave/master relationship is a partnership above all else, with clear limits and established permission. If there's safety and limits, how can I be afraid? And if I can't be afraid, how can I be aroused?
I did say my psychology is warped. But all this makes me wonder, am I appropriate for the scene? Or do I have unrealistic desires? If so, well... shit. I've had to leave relationships that were otherwise perfect because at night I had this overwhelming hollow sensation, and complete lack of sexual satisfaction. I'm using the power of anonymity to achieve honesty, and to be honest I'm at my wits end. I'd appreciate advice. I hate this and don't know where to turn.
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