MIRROR: Download from MEGA
To all the Dom(me)s & Sadists:
Hello there! My name is Stephanie Conway. I'm a student from Ontario, Canada. BDSM is all quite new to me (a little over a year), but already it's been an intense experience!
I'm trying to understand what the appeal is of being in the role of a dom, sadist, etc? (Coming from the opposite end of things, I'm just utterly confused by it.)
First off, I'm not here to pass judgments on anyone! And I'm not trying to figure out "why you're like this" (i.e. if there were childhood, experiences, if it's about the wiring of the brain). My goal is to try to understand what it is about being in the dom/sadist role that makes you like it and/or turns you on?
If you could help me understand, it would mean a lot to me! I have felt confused about this for years but have been embarrassed to ask. I worry the very question may offend… I really hope it doesn’t.
I have nothing to offer in return for the generosity of your time and insight, except my sincerest wishes that you find True Love within yourself and the Universe! (Well, I wish this for you all even if you don’t help explain this!)
I don't need to hear from subs, masochists, etc. about why their role turns them on and/or appeal to them. I think I already understand this based on past conversations with subs/masos and also insights from my own fantasies. But for doms/sados that is something I still don't get.
Also, I have already heard many times from doms/sadists that what they enjoy about it is witnessing the pleasure that the subs/masos take in being dominated, hurt, degraded, etc. I understand that witnessing the pleasure of the sub/maso is part of the enjoyment and/or turn on for some doms/sadists, but I think there must be more to the story. If it was just about enjoying witnessing the pleasure of someone else, then they would find it equally enjoyable / sexy to give someone pleasure in a ‘vanilla’ sexual context (for example, by giving oral sex), or fulfill someone’s fantasy that had nothing to do with BDSM.
If your answer to my question includes that you enjoy witnessing the pleasure of the sub/maso, that’s fine, but I also hope you can offer me more information and insight beyond this.
Here are some specific questions I have. IF YOU RATHER JUST IGNORE THE QUESTIONS AND ANSWER OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD, THAT'S OK… think of these questions as more of a guideline and/or inspiration.
(I recognize that not all doms / sadists are into all these things, and that doms / sadists come in different varieties, so feel free to only answer about the things that appeal to you. And, if there is something I’m missing out that turns you on, feel free to add it in and explain. Also you might consider there to be overlap between these categories, if so, feel free to combine them or ignore what you’ve already covered by answering something else.)
Thanks so much!!! I truly and deeply appreciate it!!!
===========================================================================================================================================================================================================
1. If you enjoy inflicting pain, what type of reaction (or reactions) from the sub/maso appeal to you? And most importantly why?
a. Sub/maso makes expresses pleasure (through words, sounds, body language, facial expression, etc.)
b. Sub/maso expresses physical pain
c. Sub/maso expresses fear
d. Sub/maso expresses sadness
e. Sub/maso expresses that they feel they deserve it
f. Sub/maso makes it clear they are a willing participant
g. Sub/maso acts as if they are unwilling (despite real life consent, but the point is to maintain a fantasy of non-consent)
(Note: you may be turned on by more than just one of these, or something else entirely)
2. If you enjoy dominating / enslaving someone, what type of dynamic with the sub/maso appeals to you? And most importantly why?
a. Sub/maso obeys/serves you out of love and respect for you
b. Sub/maso obeys/serves you out of low feelings of self-worth (or that’s the fantasy)
c. Sub/maso obeys/serves you out of fear of you (or that’s the fantasy)
d. Sub/maso resists obeying/serving you, but you threaten/whip/beat them into submission
(Note: you may be turned on by more than just one of these, or something else entirely)
3. If you enjoy inflicting humiliation and/or degradation on someone, what type of reaction from the sub/maso appeals to you? And most importantly why?
a. Sub/maso expresses pleasure
b. Sub/maso expresses sadness
c. Sub/maso expresses internalization of the message (“Yes, It’s true, I am worthlessâ€)
(Note: you may be turned on by more than just one of these, or something else entirely)
4. If you enjoy enacting rape scenes, what are the dynamics that appeal to you? And most importantly why?
a. Sub/maso acts unwilling at first, but soon becomes willing
b. Sub/maso acts unwilling throughout the whole thing
c. Sub/maso acts afraid
d. Sub/maso acts angry
e. Sub/maso acts sad
f. Sub/maso acts in pain
g. Sub/maso acts as if they’re experiencing pleasure but are humiliated by their own pleasure
(Note: you may be turned on by more than just one of these, or something else entirely)
5. Doms and sadists often mention they enjoy control over the sub/masochist. What about control over another person is it that appeals to you?
6. Which, if any, of the following do you think play a role in your enjoyment of the dom/sadist role?
a. A desire for trust and/or intimacy?
b. Overcoming / coping with fear?
c. Overcoming / coping with insecurities?
d. Overcoming / coping with low self-esteem?
e. Overcoming / coping with feeling like you don’t deserve to have your needs met?
f. Overcoming / coping with a fear of abandonment?
g. Overcoming / coping with fear of rejection?
h. A safe, cathartic release of anger? (not at the sub/masochist, but in general)
i. A safe, cathartic release of desire for revenge? (not at the sub/masochist, but in general)
Hello there! My name is Stephanie Conway. I'm a student from Ontario, Canada. BDSM is all quite new to me (a little over a year), but already it's been an intense experience!
I'm trying to understand what the appeal is of being in the role of a dom, sadist, etc? (Coming from the opposite end of things, I'm just utterly confused by it.)
First off, I'm not here to pass judgments on anyone! And I'm not trying to figure out "why you're like this" (i.e. if there were childhood, experiences, if it's about the wiring of the brain). My goal is to try to understand what it is about being in the dom/sadist role that makes you like it and/or turns you on?
If you could help me understand, it would mean a lot to me! I have felt confused about this for years but have been embarrassed to ask. I worry the very question may offend… I really hope it doesn’t.
I have nothing to offer in return for the generosity of your time and insight, except my sincerest wishes that you find True Love within yourself and the Universe! (Well, I wish this for you all even if you don’t help explain this!)
I don't need to hear from subs, masochists, etc. about why their role turns them on and/or appeal to them. I think I already understand this based on past conversations with subs/masos and also insights from my own fantasies. But for doms/sados that is something I still don't get.
Also, I have already heard many times from doms/sadists that what they enjoy about it is witnessing the pleasure that the subs/masos take in being dominated, hurt, degraded, etc. I understand that witnessing the pleasure of the sub/maso is part of the enjoyment and/or turn on for some doms/sadists, but I think there must be more to the story. If it was just about enjoying witnessing the pleasure of someone else, then they would find it equally enjoyable / sexy to give someone pleasure in a ‘vanilla’ sexual context (for example, by giving oral sex), or fulfill someone’s fantasy that had nothing to do with BDSM.
If your answer to my question includes that you enjoy witnessing the pleasure of the sub/maso, that’s fine, but I also hope you can offer me more information and insight beyond this.
Here are some specific questions I have. IF YOU RATHER JUST IGNORE THE QUESTIONS AND ANSWER OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD, THAT'S OK… think of these questions as more of a guideline and/or inspiration.
(I recognize that not all doms / sadists are into all these things, and that doms / sadists come in different varieties, so feel free to only answer about the things that appeal to you. And, if there is something I’m missing out that turns you on, feel free to add it in and explain. Also you might consider there to be overlap between these categories, if so, feel free to combine them or ignore what you’ve already covered by answering something else.)
Thanks so much!!! I truly and deeply appreciate it!!!
===========================================================================================================================================================================================================
1. If you enjoy inflicting pain, what type of reaction (or reactions) from the sub/maso appeal to you? And most importantly why?
a. Sub/maso makes expresses pleasure (through words, sounds, body language, facial expression, etc.)
b. Sub/maso expresses physical pain
c. Sub/maso expresses fear
d. Sub/maso expresses sadness
e. Sub/maso expresses that they feel they deserve it
f. Sub/maso makes it clear they are a willing participant
g. Sub/maso acts as if they are unwilling (despite real life consent, but the point is to maintain a fantasy of non-consent)
(Note: you may be turned on by more than just one of these, or something else entirely)
2. If you enjoy dominating / enslaving someone, what type of dynamic with the sub/maso appeals to you? And most importantly why?
a. Sub/maso obeys/serves you out of love and respect for you
b. Sub/maso obeys/serves you out of low feelings of self-worth (or that’s the fantasy)
c. Sub/maso obeys/serves you out of fear of you (or that’s the fantasy)
d. Sub/maso resists obeying/serving you, but you threaten/whip/beat them into submission
(Note: you may be turned on by more than just one of these, or something else entirely)
3. If you enjoy inflicting humiliation and/or degradation on someone, what type of reaction from the sub/maso appeals to you? And most importantly why?
a. Sub/maso expresses pleasure
b. Sub/maso expresses sadness
c. Sub/maso expresses internalization of the message (“Yes, It’s true, I am worthlessâ€)
(Note: you may be turned on by more than just one of these, or something else entirely)
4. If you enjoy enacting rape scenes, what are the dynamics that appeal to you? And most importantly why?
a. Sub/maso acts unwilling at first, but soon becomes willing
b. Sub/maso acts unwilling throughout the whole thing
c. Sub/maso acts afraid
d. Sub/maso acts angry
e. Sub/maso acts sad
f. Sub/maso acts in pain
g. Sub/maso acts as if they’re experiencing pleasure but are humiliated by their own pleasure
(Note: you may be turned on by more than just one of these, or something else entirely)
5. Doms and sadists often mention they enjoy control over the sub/masochist. What about control over another person is it that appeals to you?
6. Which, if any, of the following do you think play a role in your enjoyment of the dom/sadist role?
a. A desire for trust and/or intimacy?
b. Overcoming / coping with fear?
c. Overcoming / coping with insecurities?
d. Overcoming / coping with low self-esteem?
e. Overcoming / coping with feeling like you don’t deserve to have your needs met?
f. Overcoming / coping with a fear of abandonment?
g. Overcoming / coping with fear of rejection?
h. A safe, cathartic release of anger? (not at the sub/masochist, but in general)
i. A safe, cathartic release of desire for revenge? (not at the sub/masochist, but in general)
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